Episode 16 - Came the Group Chat

[00:00:01] Speaker A: What? Ooh. Sorry, Jeremy. Matt won. You know what that means. [00:00:06] Speaker B: No, please. I have three kids. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a sec, Kayla. This podcast is not for kids. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Go ahead. What is up, guys? Welcome to another episode of tales from the tabletop. I am your unloyal DM, Jeff Lunter. [00:00:58] Speaker A: And I am your punk rock seeker of darkness, DM, Kayla Williams. I went to a punk show last night. Wait, why are you unfaithful? [00:01:08] Speaker B: Why am I unloyal? Because I did another d and d session today before we did this. [00:01:12] Speaker A: That's crazy. [00:01:13] Speaker B: Did a nice little one shot. [00:01:14] Speaker A: That's crazy. [00:01:15] Speaker B: So you're punk rock now? You went to one show, bro. [00:01:19] Speaker A: I've been punk rock, actually. You just don't know that side to me. [00:01:23] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. [00:01:25] Speaker A: Yeah. I took Jacob to a local show last night, and he got to experience. Oh, editor's note. Jacob is my partner. [00:01:32] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:01:33] Speaker A: Surprise. [00:01:34] Speaker B: Editor's note for me, the editor. [00:01:36] Speaker A: Editor's note for the listeners. I took him to a show last night, and he got to experience his first mosh pit. [00:01:45] Speaker B: That's wild. [00:01:46] Speaker A: He was not in it. He was like, I was thinking about going in it, and I'm like, you should have. And he goes, no, there's a certain. [00:01:52] Speaker B: Age you get where you're like, I'm too old to do this shit. I can't be in a fucking. [00:01:56] Speaker A: You'd be surprised. It was a lot of kids, though. [00:01:58] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, of course it is. It's like 20 somethings. Like fucking early twenties, like, throwing bows and shit. I've been in two pits. [00:02:05] Speaker A: No, when he was like, oh, my God, should I go in there? I was like, I would actually probably cry laughing watching you try to two step. And he goes, what's a two step? [00:02:14] Speaker B: Nope, that's where. Yep, that's it. Don't go. Don't go in. [00:02:18] Speaker A: My favorite position in the mosh pit is standing on the edge and pushing people back into the mosh pit. [00:02:23] Speaker B: That's amazing. Honestly, that's, like, one of the most battering parts. Other than being in it, like, being on the edge, you're always gonna get fucked up. [00:02:32] Speaker A: Yeah. You just make the x in front of your face with your forearms, and you just smile and laugh. [00:02:37] Speaker B: Listen, man, punk rock is not punk rock anymore. That's not the standard. [00:02:41] Speaker A: You can't punch people in the face anymore. [00:02:43] Speaker B: Yeah. You're not getting spit on. You're not getting fucking, like, a mic stand thrown at you. You're not watching the lead singer be so drunk that he throws up all over the crowd. [00:02:51] Speaker A: They just don't make mental illness like they used to, bro. [00:02:55] Speaker B: Hey, man, they just don't make heroin like they used to, bro. [00:02:58] Speaker A: Damn. [00:02:59] Speaker B: Oh. [00:03:03] Speaker A: Oh, my God. So let me get my little papers. Okay. [00:03:07] Speaker B: I'm gonn stuff all my papers. [00:03:08] Speaker A: Are you ready? Do you wanna talk about anything else? [00:03:10] Speaker B: I would like to talk about D and D, Kayla. Let's hear what we got. We got tales from the tabletop. D and D podcast energy. Oh, I'm so hot already. [00:03:18] Speaker A: So I know we were having a little bit of fun in the intro there, but I do wanna warn everybody, this one's kind of heavy. It's a little bit of a bummer, so that's why we're gonna start with it. And then I'm sure Jeff's story is much funnier. [00:03:31] Speaker B: Yep. Mm hmm. 100%. [00:03:33] Speaker A: We've got a little. [00:03:34] Speaker B: I didn't choose another heavy one. [00:03:35] Speaker A: Oh, fuck. Well, we've got a little, like, break in the middle with, like, a little thing I'm gonna do, so that'll come later. We'll address that later, but you guys won't be bombarded. A little palate cleanser, if you would. [00:03:48] Speaker B: Something to stop you from losing your fucking mind and going down the wormhole. Mental illness with both of us. [00:03:54] Speaker A: Hey, Jeff. [00:03:55] Speaker B: Hi. What's up? [00:03:56] Speaker A: I found the group chat about trying to sleep with me. [00:03:59] Speaker B: Yikes. Why did you preface that with hey, Jeff? Hey, fucker. I know what y'all did. [00:04:07] Speaker A: I didn't mean to sound like it was you guys. [00:04:09] Speaker B: That was 100% accusatory. I was not ready. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. [00:04:14] Speaker A: Okay, okay. For the record, this is not about me. This is the story from five years ago. RGP horror stories, RGP Roy G BiV. RGB. [00:04:24] Speaker B: Where the fuck are you, bro? I think you said RGB because you discovered that your light could change colors before the podcast, and you've been living there for a fucking year. [00:04:34] Speaker A: We were working. [00:04:34] Speaker B: I got RBG lighting. [00:04:36] Speaker A: No, it's just. It toggles between cold and warm lights. [00:04:40] Speaker B: Oh, wow. That's cool. [00:04:41] Speaker A: Yeah, it's pretty sick. And it has a fan that I can use a remote with. I just, like, I have this remote for it, and I've never pressed the buttons. Anyway. [00:04:50] Speaker B: What does this remote do? [00:04:52] Speaker A: We are. We're having fun. Okay. This is the calm before the storm. [00:04:57] Speaker B: We'll have fun, too. [00:04:58] Speaker A: So it's by at least nine on rpg horror stories. It's from five years ago. It's bit of a long one. Are you ready? [00:05:07] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm strapped in. My seatbelt's on. I have a seatbelt in my chair for stories like these. [00:05:11] Speaker A: Yeah, he's got the kiddie chair. Is it FDA approved? [00:05:15] Speaker B: No, the airbags aren't installed yet. [00:05:17] Speaker A: Welp, we're gonna go on ahead anyway. Hopefully we don't hit anything on the way. This might be a long one because a few things happened during the campaign. First off, for the longest time, I was the only girl in a party of seven. Starting off really good. Great start. [00:05:33] Speaker B: That's 100% like fucking. That's already a problem in and of itself, but go on. Go off queen. [00:05:40] Speaker A: Although this isn't as dramatic or as awful as other stories, it still makes me angry when I think about it. I would beg to differ, but spoilers ahead. [00:05:50] Speaker B: I mean, right off the bat, it's like, oh, yeah, it's pretty bad. [00:05:52] Speaker A: About three years ago, I made a post on Instagram offering to dm five e for anyone that was interested. Because my previous party had split up after leaving college, I was quickly approached by an old high school friend, Jack, who said he had a group gathered. I was welcome to come and meet everyone and decide if we all get along well. Jack was always very sweet in high school, so I agreed and we all met up at his flat. Ooh, british. [00:06:17] Speaker B: Oh, gosh. Jumpscare. [00:06:19] Speaker A: Forgot about that book. [00:06:20] Speaker B: Did you say fucking jump scare? [00:06:22] Speaker A: Jump scare. [00:06:22] Speaker B: I wasn't ready for the flat. [00:06:24] Speaker A: Sorry. I forgot I had to read it like this. Oh, sorry, Webb. [00:06:30] Speaker B: Sorry, sorry. All our british viewers, we all met. [00:06:32] Speaker A: At his flat that weekend to play a few non related d and d games and get pizza. After a few hours, we started talking about character ideas, rules, et cetera. I suggested we talk about our boundaries in game so everyone knew what we were getting into. I'm a relaxed em. I don't mind if a player decides they want to sleep with the barmaids, as long as it doesn't fuck with the game. The only thing I said I would not do, period, was assault. Everything else is at the discretion of everyone. This is important to know. Foreshadowing. Fast forward to actually playing. I'm not sure if other people have done this before, but I ran the death house part of Strahd for about four sessions until everyone was comfortable playing together, then homebrewed a campaign from that. I think a lot of people do that. [00:07:19] Speaker B: I honestly, before you mentioned Strahd on the podcast, I had no idea what. [00:07:23] Speaker A: It was you've never played the death house. People use it as, like, it's supposed to get you up to level three and kind of introduce you into the world and kind of get you started. [00:07:33] Speaker B: Nah, I don't do that shit. You know me in Adventure pass. I really don't like adventure paths. [00:07:38] Speaker A: Yeah, fair enough. We've got homebrew brain rot til the very end, huh? For everybody else, that's normal. To run the death house, this seems pretty, pretty standard. Jeff's just a freak. Apparently the guys were all pretty great up until that point. However, one of them, we'll call him Mike, began to make a few awkward comments to me. Mike decided to play a bard and took my I don't care if you hook up with NPC's very seriously. He tried to fuck every single female. And it's typed like that as well. [00:08:12] Speaker B: Oh, no. Oh, no. A misogynist trying to fucking be like, oh, I'm allowed to do whatever I want in a fantasy world and that means I can be a piece of shit to women. [00:08:21] Speaker A: If it breathes, it's for me. [00:08:25] Speaker B: Nice. [00:08:26] Speaker A: Thanks. Thanks. I'll be here all week. I'm just trying to lighten the mood. [00:08:30] Speaker B: If it's breathe that, it's for me. That's not a way to lighten the mood, Kayla. That's so fucking neck beating. Please. [00:08:37] Speaker A: Hey, I know what it's like to get caught up with the ladies, if you know what I mean. What's up, lady viewers? [00:08:46] Speaker B: What's up, lady viewer? [00:08:48] Speaker A: What's up? Maybe hit me in my email. Talesfromthetabletoppodmail.com after this recording. [00:08:55] Speaker B: Sesh, that's my fiance. [00:08:59] Speaker A: It got to the point where I had to speak with him out of game. He got very passive aggressive by telling me I had already said it was okay. Despite this, he did calm down a bit and we continued playing. A few sessions later, Mike tries to assault a female orc while she's restrained and unconscious, as the party were elsewhere. I'm not even sure of this motive here. Yeah, that's the heavy part. [00:09:21] Speaker B: No. Like that kind of assaults. No. [00:09:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:24] Speaker B: What the fuck, dude? This isn't your fucking fetish. Foreplay role. Like, this isn't your fetish RP. This is an ERp, bro. What the fuck? [00:09:32] Speaker A: I'm gonna warn everybody, Jeff and all of the readers. It gets. It gets worse. It gets worse. I'm so sorry. Please read the content warnings. That's why we added a disclaimer. [00:09:46] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's really good, I would say. [00:09:49] Speaker A: Yeah, thanks to that's actually Jacob's voice that I mentioned earlier who went to the punk show. [00:09:55] Speaker B: That was Jacob before punk. Let's hear him after punk. [00:09:57] Speaker A: Oh my gosh. We'll have to re record. I'm not even sure of his motive here. Yeah, he tried to make his explanations of his actions vague enough to where they aren't specifically assault, but obviously were. Anyway, I stopped the game immediately and told him that if he didnt quit he was out for the rest of the session. He laughed with his buddies and then stopped. Hahahaha. [00:10:20] Speaker B: Gross bro. [00:10:21] Speaker A: Thats why men need to call out other men. [00:10:23] Speaker B: Yeah, men need to call them out on their shit. Its not just a hey bro. I can always rely on my bros to support me when im being a misogynistic fucking sexual assaulter in fantasy, bro. Here we go. [00:10:36] Speaker A: Sometimes I think about how just lucky we are that everybody is just cool in our party. Like not to brag everybody, but like. [00:10:44] Speaker B: Everybody'S cool when you hit me with the misogynist. This is who you're putting me on par with. [00:10:52] Speaker A: I only say it to upset you. [00:10:54] Speaker B: And it works every time. [00:10:57] Speaker A: It's cause Jeff is so good. That was really hard to say. I'm sorry. [00:11:03] Speaker B: Yeah, what the fuck? I'm editing that out just for my sake. The fuck? I don't want to hear that shit. [00:11:08] Speaker A: Jeff is a good person. I'm sorry. [00:11:12] Speaker B: Keep reading your story, bro. You didn't need. Was this the midpoint where you're like, I need to say something good to balance out the bad? [00:11:19] Speaker A: Later that night, he sent me a hand drawn picture of an orc clearly modeled after myself with his character grabbing her boobs. I told him that shit was inappropriate and he wasn't welcome at the next session. [00:11:32] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the worst fucking show up, bro. What the fuck? Hey, this or hey, what? [00:11:38] Speaker A: Do you think I would freak out? [00:11:41] Speaker B: Why do you think I do fun voices when I do these stories? They need, they need to be there, Kayla. [00:11:47] Speaker A: I need my fun voices. Yeah, I would fucking freak out. Nothing pisses me off more to where I'm like, knock it off. And they're like, okay, okay, okay. And then they're like, ooh, and they hit you in the DM's later? [00:12:00] Speaker B: No. [00:12:01] Speaker A: And they're like a little, hit me. [00:12:02] Speaker B: In the DM's later. I'm fucking no, no one does that. But still it's like, ugh. Ugh. [00:12:07] Speaker A: I have to laugh because if I don't, I'm gonna get really mad reading this. The first time I got really steamed. [00:12:13] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't blame you. Ruined my day. [00:12:15] Speaker A: It literally ruined my fucking day, dude. The next day, he called me in tears, saying he was really sorry and had drank way too much the night before. He also admitted he had a crush on me but didn't know how to convey that. [00:12:28] Speaker B: Hey, hey, hey. I really like you. Hey. What did you think of my orc that looked like you where I grabbed her tits? What do you think? [00:12:34] Speaker A: I, um, just really liked you, and I didn't know how to process that, so I repeatedly crossed your boundaries and made it clear that I don't respect you as a person. [00:12:43] Speaker B: Men need to go to therapy, D. And d is not therapy. [00:12:47] Speaker A: It's a gateway to therapy. [00:12:49] Speaker B: Yeah, okay. [00:12:51] Speaker A: Not always. Not always. DD's a good way to realize all. [00:12:55] Speaker B: Your faults and try and correct them if you're a good person or double down. No, Kayla, we don't give bad advice. We give worse advice. [00:13:04] Speaker A: I politely told him I was flattered but not interested, and letting him back into the party, the rest of the party had been trying to convince me to let him back in the game because he hadn't done that much wrong anyway. [00:13:16] Speaker B: No. [00:13:17] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:18] Speaker B: Just because he didn't do shit before doesn't mean this sudden. This one act is the damn breaking. [00:13:24] Speaker A: And they didn't think it was that bad. [00:13:26] Speaker B: He's like, hey, if I cry, if I cry, I call and cry. It'll be fixed. [00:13:32] Speaker A: Do you remember that one girl who found out her boyfriend or husband was cheating on her and then she cut his dick off? [00:13:39] Speaker B: No. What? [00:13:41] Speaker A: I just think guys aren't afraid anymore. [00:13:43] Speaker B: Yeah, men need to be afraid. [00:13:45] Speaker A: I just think men aren't as afraid as they should be. We need to bring back ladies 2025. Bring back fear in men. [00:13:54] Speaker B: Make men fearful. Bring back fearful men. [00:13:57] Speaker A: Make men afraid. Again. She says, yes, I'm an idiot. Apart from that event, I had been having fun with the campaign, which sucks, because, like, the gaslighting. You don't want to be, like, the guy who makes it all serious. You know? You don't. Like, I empathize with that so much because it's like, you don't want to be the guy who is like, oh, you're too serious. You're calling it out, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, you're the only one making the problem. I think we literally talked about this last week, where in one of the stories where it was, like, calling something drama, and it's the person who calls out the behavior gets kind of vilified instead of the person who did the behavior in the first place. [00:14:37] Speaker B: So fucking dumb. That is the most toxic fucking trait you can have. Like, get out of here, bro. It is a group effort making d and d happen, and then you're just like, no, no, no, no. [00:14:48] Speaker A: This is that. Mike is no longer a douchebag. At that session, he's quiet, and one of the guys tells me that I embarrassed him, and now he's struggling to connect. Not my problem. [00:14:58] Speaker B: Fuck off. Literally, you hurt his feelings by not reciprocating his emotions. Even though you don't feel that way about him, you should at least show him some attention. [00:15:08] Speaker A: He should be embarrassed. [00:15:09] Speaker B: He isn't awkward. He should be. [00:15:11] Speaker A: He should be. [00:15:11] Speaker B: Live with that fucking guilt. [00:15:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Embarrassment is a tool so that you don't violate social taboos, bro. Sometimes men should be embarrassed. [00:15:20] Speaker B: Yeah, 100%. I'm embarrassed every time I'm on this podcast. [00:15:24] Speaker A: Remember when we were like, yeah, we should try to, like, disagree a little bit more so it's more tension in the podcast. And then we're just like, yeah, yeah, fuck him. [00:15:33] Speaker B: Fuck this dude. I'm not dis. There is no point. There's no way I would ever disagree with this dude being like, like, no. What the fuck? I'm like, well, maybe. No, that's disgusting. There's no defense for this piece of shit. [00:15:46] Speaker A: Jeff is such an ally. Guys gotta love it. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Oh, I'm not. Yes, I am, but no, I'm not. Don't start that rumor. [00:15:53] Speaker A: Don't start talking. [00:15:54] Speaker B: Because then I'm gonna have this guy dming me be like, hey, I heard your dale. [00:15:59] Speaker A: I just really like you. [00:16:01] Speaker B: Yeah. I drew your character as an orc with tears. [00:16:07] Speaker A: I'm imagining an orc that looks like you with a golden beard and then huge tits. [00:16:14] Speaker B: Just huge titties. I'm just waiting for the fan art. It's funny when we make a joke out about it and you're like, hey, I made the orc with titties, but if you hit me with that without. [00:16:25] Speaker A: Prior discussion, prior discussion, it has to be a consensual orc with titties. [00:16:30] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't like just any orc with titties, so it needs to be something I'm aware of. Thank you. Don't just please don't dm us like random fucking orc titties, please. Thank you. [00:16:40] Speaker A: I mean, you could, but like, no. Make sure you put in the subject line, appropriately tag your orc titties. [00:16:47] Speaker B: You say orc titties inbound. And that's how we know, and then. [00:16:50] Speaker A: Jeff will know not to look, and I'll know what to cultivate for him so that he only gets the best orc titty pictures. [00:16:57] Speaker B: Nice. [00:16:58] Speaker A: Nice. Uh, we're. I'm sorry. We're laughing. It's serious. It sucks. Assault is not funny. But we're laughing to cope. [00:17:05] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. We're laughing to cope. [00:17:07] Speaker A: Fast forward to a few weeks. Um, and things are getting weird again. Two more members of the party have attempted asking me out on dates. I once again politely decline and carry on. The sessions are now awkward for me because all of the guys are flirting with me. Pretty much. Flirting with. Oh, she didn't even say me. Fucking. God damn it. I'm killing. [00:17:26] Speaker B: You're melding. You're melding into the story. [00:17:29] Speaker A: Uh, okay. [00:17:30] Speaker B: You're, like, all. Hashtag, all women. [00:17:33] Speaker A: Every woman. Fast forward a few weeks and things are getting weird again. Two more members of the party have attempted asking me out on dates. I once again politely decline and carry on. The sessions are now a little awkward for me because all the guys are flirting with pretty much every single female NPC I place in the game. Slowly but surely, within a week, another guy confesses his love to me. I'm no longer enjoying the session, so I plan on finishing up the story branch and then calling it a day with the campaign and leaving. [00:18:04] Speaker B: Dog, what the fuck are you talking about? [00:18:07] Speaker A: Absolutely insane. [00:18:09] Speaker B: This is insane behavior, bro. [00:18:12] Speaker A: They're not in high school. Even she said she knew them from high school. [00:18:17] Speaker B: These are college students, maybe thirties. Like, get the fuck? We played tt with the girl. [00:18:22] Speaker A: We really like her. I will never be the only girl of seven. I will simply never do that for myself. I need at least one. One girl. [00:18:31] Speaker B: Diversity? Yeah. I mean, we have, like, half women, half guys, so, like, we're pretty balanced. [00:18:36] Speaker A: Yeah, we're a 50 50 split. Not even a day later, Jack sends me about 20 screenshots from a private group chat of the boys. Reminder. Jack is the original friend who she remembered being really nice and invited her to meet these people in the first place. [00:18:51] Speaker B: Has he tried to hit on her? I might have missed that part. [00:18:53] Speaker A: I don't think he has on the next part, because she says they literally had bets on who could sleep with me first. The entire group chat was discussing ways they could flirt or seduce me, a few screenshots of my own conversations between them, et cetera, et cetera. It was so awful to look at because I thought these guys had actually been enjoying my sessions, but I was basically just there as a game myself. Jack told me he was incredibly sorry he hadn't said anything sooner and that he was about to pull out of the campaign because of them. [00:19:25] Speaker B: Jesus Christ. And then leave. Well, I mean, it's assuming. I'd assumed she'd, like, can it, but, like, what the fuck? To turn around. At least Jack was nice enough to be like, hey. But also, he should have fucking spoke up, bro. Your fucking friends out. I don't care if there's six of them ganging. Well, I'm sorry, what was it? Six men and one woman. If there's five fucking guys ganging up on you, always defend these fucking, like, what the fuck, man? [00:19:50] Speaker A: It's fucking crazy, dude. It's so normalized. [00:19:54] Speaker B: Ugh. Men are gross. I hate men. [00:19:56] Speaker A: Hear, hear. I told the party over discord that I knew what was going on and that I was disgusted and I would not dm for them again. I think I added in that none of them were even close to being physically attractive to me, and then I left. It's been a while. [00:20:10] Speaker B: Just give that in there. [00:20:11] Speaker A: Add that shit, and you're ugly. [00:20:13] Speaker B: And you're ugly fuckers. Don't ever dm me again. [00:20:16] Speaker A: Don't talk to me, Fuggo. [00:20:18] Speaker B: Nice. [00:20:18] Speaker A: But I still haven't heard anything from these guys. End of story. [00:20:22] Speaker B: That's disgusting. Kayla, I hope your middle segment is great. Cause that was fucking bad. That was really bad. [00:20:29] Speaker A: Yeah, we're gonna lighten things up a little bit. That was a tough read. The jokes were necessary for me to get through that. [00:20:37] Speaker B: The jokes needed to happen. I'm sorry, guys. [00:20:39] Speaker A: Men who are nerds can be so difficult sometimes. And I remember even friend groups I had in college or not college, high school. I'd be like, yeah, I'm their friend. And then they all of a sudden didn't want me around because I was seeing somebody else and stuff like that, you know? So once I became not available, they don't see you as a person sometimes, and that's so upsetting. And it never gets easier to see when the realization happens. You think you'd be used to it, like, oh, I'm actually friends with this person. Oh, they just wanted to sleep with me. That's crazy. [00:21:12] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, it's something I really haven't experienced as a guy, man. It just sucks. It sucks so much, and I hear it all the time. And it's not just d and d, but it is so just, like, commonplace. Like, it. The whole platform is built for these people to just be like, oh, yeah, I can just we can just do whatever we want, huh? And it's like, what the fuck, dude? [00:21:30] Speaker A: Nerdy men are the devil, bro. [00:21:32] Speaker B: Nerdy men are the devil. Sorry, guys, not all of you, but also, if you see your friend, I guarantee there's at least one person you know that's like that. And if you can do your part and actually reach out and make them not feel like shit, like. Like, honestly tell your fucking guy friends they're being pieces of shit. Do that. Be that person. Be a fucking person who will actually say something and stand up for the person that can't for themselves because they don't take them seriously. [00:21:59] Speaker A: This is beautiful, Jeff. I was so beautiful. I'm so proud of you. [00:22:02] Speaker B: I'm not their ally. [00:22:03] Speaker A: You have all these nerdy guys trying to beat down your door because they're in love with you. I know you've experienced it. [00:22:09] Speaker B: Hey, man, shit happens. [00:22:10] Speaker A: You just have those feminine hips, bro. [00:22:13] Speaker B: God damn it. Don't. [00:22:16] Speaker A: Cut that out. Cut that out. Alrighty. Welcome, everybody, to Kayla's next segment. [00:22:27] Speaker B: Can we pretend that we, like, took a 20 minutes break after that? That was an exhaust. [00:22:31] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah. [00:22:32] Speaker B: We took. Oh, my God. 20. No, no, I want that in. I want to say that. [00:22:38] Speaker A: Okay, wait, let's start off with. [00:22:39] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 20 minutes later, we took a break. I can't. Okay. [00:22:47] Speaker A: Anyways, welcome to Kayla's latest segment of the podcast. Is everybody ready? [00:22:53] Speaker B: Do you have a theme song? Let's hear it. [00:23:04] Speaker A: We can. We can work on it. [00:23:05] Speaker B: We can go into Pokemon. That's okay. We'll figure it out. [00:23:07] Speaker A: Oh. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Wait, that's mortal Kombat puck. [00:23:11] Speaker B: That's mortal Kombat dog. It's. [00:23:13] Speaker A: I've never had an original. [00:23:14] Speaker B: We're far removed from it. Just do the segments. [00:23:16] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. Okay. Welcome, everybody, to this segment of deadly pungent. Whoo. [00:23:24] Speaker B: Deadly pungent. Let's go. I don't know what this is, and I'm excited. [00:23:28] Speaker A: Jeff, first and only contestant on deadly pungent. How do you feel, Jeff? [00:23:33] Speaker B: Hey, guys. Hey. I'm glad to be here. You know what? I just got through dming my group chat saying, don't disrespect women, and I got kicked out of the group chat, so here I am, and he's got. [00:23:44] Speaker A: His very own stand. If you were here in the studio tonight, you could see it. It's beautiful. It's got Pokemon stickers and a chalk drawing of Jeff and as an orc with. As an orc with big boobies. So this is a little game called Deadly Pungen. It is where I ask Jeff a seemingly non related question, and he has to answer in some kind of d and d pun. Okay, so. [00:24:16] Speaker B: Okay, I got this. I'm the master of puns. [00:24:19] Speaker A: The answer is dungeons. Yeah, except you get three guesses. So I'm going to ask you a question, and the answer is some sort of dungeons and dragons pun, and you get three chances to guess. And if it's funny enough, I'll give you a point. [00:24:34] Speaker B: Fuck. I have to be funny on a podcast? [00:24:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Good fucking luck. All the pressure is on you. The first one is going to be a little specific. Okay, got a few. A group of people who use decorative teapots as ranged weapons. What would they be called? [00:24:52] Speaker B: Disney's latest ride, the teacup trouncers? [00:24:57] Speaker A: That's not dungeons and dragons related. [00:24:59] Speaker B: Oh, wait, hold on. Okay, that was a one. That should be a gimme. I. Okay, whatever. No figuring out. [00:25:06] Speaker A: I will give you no fucking slack. [00:25:08] Speaker B: Wow. God. [00:25:11] Speaker A: I know. [00:25:11] Speaker B: You got it in Wonderland thing called the fucking. We'll call them the mad Hatters. Wait, it has to be d and d theme. Fuck. [00:25:18] Speaker A: You are floundering, my friend. [00:25:20] Speaker B: I am floundering. I'm like. I'm thinking of, like, cool names for, like. Okay, it's in there. [00:25:26] Speaker A: I know. It's in your brain. Big, beautiful brain of yours. Yes. It's. It's like a d and D pun. [00:25:31] Speaker B: Improvised. Teacup. I don't know. [00:25:33] Speaker A: They are called t flings. [00:25:36] Speaker B: Wait, hold on. Wait, that's the. Oh, fuck off. [00:25:40] Speaker A: That's what it is. [00:25:41] Speaker B: It's a d and D term, but it's a pun. [00:25:43] Speaker A: Yes. [00:25:44] Speaker B: All right, I got this. I'm ready. [00:25:46] Speaker A: It flings. They throw this. [00:25:49] Speaker B: You didn't have to explain it. I got it. Go. I'm just kidding. [00:25:52] Speaker A: What would you call a multi headed beast that is scared of everything? [00:25:56] Speaker B: Hydrama queen. [00:25:58] Speaker A: What? High drama queen. You're close. I'll say. You're warm. [00:26:02] Speaker B: Shit. I know. It's simpler. [00:26:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Hydra. [00:26:04] Speaker B: Wait, what? That's it? [00:26:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Hide. Draw. Because he hides. He's scared of everything. [00:26:10] Speaker B: I'm like. I'm gonna try to add puns. I didn't realize. It's just a phrase. Okay, round three. I got. This is 100% me. This is all me. I got this. [00:26:17] Speaker A: We got four rounds. The last one is arguably the best one. Okay, so this one. [00:26:21] Speaker B: I can't wait to ruin it. [00:26:23] Speaker A: What would a hot sauce company ran by a wizard be called? [00:26:26] Speaker B: Scorching Ray. [00:26:27] Speaker A: Ooh, that's a good one. It is not my. It is not my answer. [00:26:31] Speaker B: Fireball. [00:26:35] Speaker A: Damn. I didn't think you're gonna give me. [00:26:38] Speaker B: Oh, wait, did I get. Did I get it on the third? [00:26:41] Speaker A: No, you didn't get it. But those are all really good. [00:26:43] Speaker B: Those were all good. [00:26:44] Speaker A: They were good. They just weren't the answer. Jeffrey, I'm so sorry your game broke down. [00:26:50] Speaker B: I'm already funnier than you can. [00:26:51] Speaker A: That's crazy. Are we forgetting the last two fucking questions, Jeff? [00:26:56] Speaker B: Yeah, well, you know, I'm. All. [00:26:57] Speaker A: Your job is to be funny. Now jump through this group. I set on fire. Sorcerer's stone. [00:27:03] Speaker B: What? [00:27:03] Speaker A: Saucer's stone. Get it? Cause it's a sorcerer, but it's sauce. [00:27:08] Speaker B: See, here's where the rules get me confused, right? [00:27:12] Speaker A: There were very little rules to begin with. [00:27:14] Speaker B: The rules were they had to be a D and D terminal. And I went and added, like, hydrama queen to make it, like, an extra little. [00:27:21] Speaker A: Everybody's a rules lawyer when it comes competitive. And then you're, like, crazy. [00:27:26] Speaker B: No, it's just Hydra. And then I bring out, like, actual D and D terms, and he went, anyways, here's a pun. [00:27:35] Speaker A: It's a pun. Like, the answer is a pun. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Yeah, but so is hydrama queen. And you're like, no, it's just Hydra. [00:27:41] Speaker A: But it's. It's a pun because it's Hydra. Everybody's a critic. This is a new segment we're working out. The kink. Okay, the last one. The last. There's another one. Yeah, we've got one more for this section. Gamers. And then I will give you a break by giving you a story from Jeff. What's a D and D player's favorite Disney film? [00:28:02] Speaker B: Oh, God. I'm just thinking of. [00:28:04] Speaker A: I honestly thought you would do better. Like, fuck you. [00:28:08] Speaker B: I didn't understand the rules. Lady and the tramp. If they're playing. If they're the last story. Lady and the tramp. [00:28:13] Speaker A: I wish I could say that was close. [00:28:15] Speaker B: Okay. A D and d player's favorite Disney film. I'm thinking of, like, actually, like, d and D. Like, sword in the stone kind of stuff. [00:28:23] Speaker A: Do you want to hint? [00:28:24] Speaker B: No. Yeah. [00:28:27] Speaker A: It is a class pun. [00:28:31] Speaker B: A class pun. The lion, the witch, and the warlock. [00:28:34] Speaker A: Ooh, close. Not a Disney film, though. [00:28:38] Speaker B: Wait, that is it. Wasn't it Disney? [00:28:40] Speaker A: I don't think so. [00:28:41] Speaker B: I never watched it. I don't know. [00:28:43] Speaker A: That's fucking crazy. It's paladin. [00:28:47] Speaker B: Well, I didn't get a third guess. You ruined your game. [00:28:50] Speaker A: But honestly didn't want to have to wait for you. We already took a 20 minutes break. [00:28:55] Speaker B: This is so hard. [00:28:57] Speaker A: If you guys think it's hard for you at home, imagine what I'm going through. [00:29:03] Speaker B: But paladin woman. Sorry. [00:29:06] Speaker A: It's paladin. Paladin. [00:29:08] Speaker B: Palan. Kayla. [00:29:08] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:29:09] Speaker B: I'm so glad. I'm so proud. [00:29:10] Speaker A: You could laugh a little bit more. [00:29:12] Speaker B: The lion, the witch, and the warlock was way better. I'm slowly discovering that my puns are significant. No, I'm just kidding. [00:29:19] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Dude. Thanks for coming in today, Jeff. Unfortunately, I'm glad. [00:29:24] Speaker B: What do I win? [00:29:24] Speaker A: Unfortunately, you did not win this game, boo boo. I know. It's so sad, but you get to go home with your internal organs intact. [00:29:34] Speaker B: Hey, Kayla, check your DM's. Hey, guys, we're having fun here. Time to bring it back down. [00:29:44] Speaker A: After another 20 minutes break. [00:29:46] Speaker B: After another 20 minutes break. Well, that wasn't that bad. But, hey, this is just adds up. This is a bigotry warning. There is a lot of hate. We love hate. We also mentioned. We've mentioned it so many times. People are so comfortable hating each other in D and D. Just hating on classes and, like, human being races. Like, just like the race and color of people. It's crazy. It's built into the system. [00:30:11] Speaker A: It's almost like it's baked into the system. [00:30:13] Speaker B: Yes, we've talked about Gary Gygax and his awful treatment of tieflings and Frau, but here we are. [00:30:21] Speaker A: Bum, bum, bum bum bum. Round two, baby. [00:30:25] Speaker B: It's time for me to ask Kayla some questions. [00:30:27] Speaker A: Sweet fucker. [00:30:28] Speaker B: This is. I realized the transphobic DM had a weird. Infatuated with me, a trans man. See, here's the good thing about that title, right? [00:30:37] Speaker A: Wait. Reread that title. Reread it. [00:30:40] Speaker B: I realized the transphobic DM had a weird. Infatuated with me, a trans man. They didn't put infatuated infatuation with me. They put infatuated. And I needed to keep that in because we need a little bit of light. We need a little bit of light in the stomach. [00:30:57] Speaker A: Oh, my God. The stroke is already happening. I can no longer lift my right arm. [00:31:01] Speaker B: This is by maybe underscore. I'm underscore Magpie. It is. Five days ago, they did a great job. [00:31:07] Speaker A: Look at us being fresh out of the oven. [00:31:10] Speaker B: So, of course, bigotry warning. It's gonna be bad. A while back, I made a post here, which I have now deleted since it was far too long and disjointed this horror story related to that story, so I'll add a TL doctor for it here. Despite not being pitched as such, the campaign felt more like it was a bunch of one shots put together as a campaign and was filled with multiple half an hour unrelated tangents and distractions from the DM and another player. The players were shot down whenever they tried to do things related to their character and the that guy was never told to stop metagaming. I'm gonna keep all the fucked up fuck ups in there. It helps. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Is it poorly written? [00:31:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:51] Speaker A: Ugh. They're just so angry. [00:31:53] Speaker B: The players were shot down whenever they tried to do things related to their character and that guy. Blah blah blah. Eventually the number of players went from six to seven to four before the DM just ended the campaign early for a bit of context, I am a trans man and in this campaign at first I played a sorcerer who was essentially an escape test subject who looked a little unnatural because of it. At first I thought it was because of the way my character was that seemingly all the NPC's were interested in my character and what they were constantly making comments about how different I was and they had never seen anything like me. Every time this happened, the DM pulled a weird face and did this strange grabby hands motion that made me really uncomfortable. What the fuck? [00:32:34] Speaker A: Ew. What? [00:32:35] Speaker B: Ew. [00:32:36] Speaker A: What are you grabbing at? [00:32:37] Speaker B: Making a weird sexual joke to towards me alongside these comments. Hey, you're just one of the dudes, right? Hey, I'm a fucking be creepy. I was fed up. That's not what he said. That was me. [00:32:48] Speaker A: It's too immersive. [00:32:49] Speaker B: That was a jeff. [00:32:50] Speaker A: Is it too immersive, Jeff? [00:32:52] Speaker B: I was fed up with this authoring me, okay? Bothering of me and I thought that playing a sorcerer wasn't my thing. So I switched the character out for a monk fairy that basically got Isekai'd into the world. But even that didn't stop the DM from being weird as despite these there being fairies in the world, apparently they were interested as I was a different pipe of fairy or some other B's excuse. [00:33:15] Speaker A: Oh my God, it's so tough. [00:33:18] Speaker B: There's a theme to this episode. There's men overreaching and making women uncomfortable in the D and d world and setting. [00:33:26] Speaker A: It's just really hard being alive, huh? [00:33:29] Speaker B: As per the title, the DM was transphobic but was subtle enough with it that I almost didn't notice until late into the campaign where he started to show his true colors. The more noticeable and extreme example is where he got mad at a trans woman for being upset and telling a committee member of the game society that they unknowingly and unintentionally used a slur that is commonly used against trans women, saying she was too woke and that he had to walk on eggshells around her. [00:33:55] Speaker A: Oh my God. [00:33:56] Speaker B: As much as I wanted to call him out on it, I didn't feel safe to do as there were more people in the situation that seemed to be agreeing with him. [00:34:07] Speaker A: That's why I don't play game stores. That's why I don't go out in public and play. [00:34:11] Speaker B: Don't go out and public play with people. [00:34:13] Speaker A: You know, I don't leave my house, dude. [00:34:16] Speaker B: Now this might be because I'm an autistic arrow ace, but I didn't fully understand that the DM was borderline infatuated with me until several months after the campaign ended and no contact where the DM messaged me to check up on me and ask what I was doing. I mentioned it to another player who I was still in contact with at the time, who was chill. And the DM hadn't reached out to anyone else for any reason since the campaign ended, which made it even weirder. Anyway, luckily, the DM graduated and was gone from the university that the campaign was being run at. And everyone who knew of him in the game society was relieved. [00:34:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I'd be fucking relieved. [00:34:52] Speaker B: Fucking blessed. Also, they called it university, so I'm assuming it's another british story. [00:34:56] Speaker A: So jump scare. [00:34:58] Speaker B: Jump scare. Jump scare. [00:34:59] Speaker A: Oh, my God. This episode is so scary for many reasons. [00:35:03] Speaker B: This is a terrifying episode for women and just a terrifying episode for anyone listening, but, yeah, that's it. That's the get. That's the story. It's just like, I feel it's weird, right? So d and d pushes this agenda nowadays where they're like, we are 100% on board with all people and genders and everything like that. And everything is inclusive. And you can love who you love and love as many or as few as you love. And it. It's wonderful. We're so inclusive. [00:35:33] Speaker A: We are okay with the gays. [00:35:36] Speaker B: We even put rainbow colored dice on D and D beyond to show you how gay we are at the same time. The content that is written, the content that exists in this world, if you're still selling and making money off of first edition books, you sh. You need to, like, there's some. You need to make stand up and actually do something about your past instead of just glossing over it and saying, oh, that's old Gary. Can't do nothing about him. [00:36:02] Speaker A: Rip Gary, bro. [00:36:04] Speaker B: You can't be suddenly, like, fucking the most, like, ally of all time and then also have, like, also we have the black people hide underground and we don't want anything to do with them. And they're all evil because they're black. But it's like, oh, my God, it is so. It's such a veil. It's just a transparent veil to make sure people still buy their product. And it's gross. And I'm so upset with how d and D is run. [00:36:28] Speaker A: I feel like the most, like people who spend money on dungeons and dragons are queer people as well. [00:36:34] Speaker B: Yeah. And they. They push it, and it's just they're trying to pay to, like, they're trying to pander. That's the word. [00:36:40] Speaker A: They're trying to pander. [00:36:42] Speaker B: They're trying to pater all that kind of shit. [00:36:44] Speaker A: That could have almost been on dangerous pungent, that. [00:36:48] Speaker B: Yeah, maybe next time on dangerous pungent. But, yeah, it's just. It's so. It's just disgusting. And it, like, it's so everyone can see through it and they don't. Everyone's just. Man, oh, it's like, oh, pride month. And, like, by the time this comes out, happy pride, everyone. [00:37:04] Speaker A: Happy pride, everyone. [00:37:06] Speaker B: But, yeah, they. By the time this comes out, you will have seen 15 KFC ads that are like, we love the gays. Kentucky fried chicken loves the gays. We made a rainbow milkshake just for the gays, and then a month later, get the fuck out. Like, that's just such a weird. [00:37:22] Speaker A: Like, as somebody who, like, as a queer person who grew up when gay marriage wasn't even legal when I was in high school, it's such a double edged sword because I love that it's normalized and that it's in the stores and you can buy shit. But also, like, the capitalism of it all, it's such a nuanced idea because it's like marriage for gay people is legal. I feel seen. I don't feel like the whole world is as against me as it was previously. There are some times where it feels that way. Don't get me wrong. They see us as profitable. Profitable. [00:38:00] Speaker B: This is why I hate capitalism and everything. It fucking means, like, everything capitalism stands for. Down with capitalism. Fuck everyone. Oh, God. [00:38:08] Speaker A: They sure do want our money, huh? [00:38:10] Speaker B: They sure do want our money, huh? Hey, how much is it? Fucking Burger King nowadays? $35. Just. Here's 35 books. Like, they don't. Aren't. They're so detached for. It's just don't get me rambling about our country. This isn't the podcast for it. It's. It's such a. Like, we get it. Like, you'll see rpg horror stories is gonna be rainbow. You'll see d, and D is gonna be rainbow on Reddit, which, you know, some people that run it, I understand, are queer, and it's, like, a good, safe space for it. But also, there are companies that take so much advantage of it, like Hasbro, that are, like, they don't fucking care. They don't give a shit, dude. [00:38:48] Speaker A: Like, and you just. You just know. But, Jeff, don't worry. I have something that'll make you feel better. [00:38:54] Speaker B: What's that? [00:38:55] Speaker A: Check your DM's. Oh, good session. Can't believe we spent a whole two days on this one recording. [00:39:07] Speaker B: I had to camp out, and, like, honestly, between that last segment in this one, we had a nap. We took, obviously, two days of naps. [00:39:15] Speaker A: We went backpacking. [00:39:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Come backpacking with me. It's great. Backpacking. [00:39:20] Speaker A: I don't like pain for fun, so I think you can just have that to yourself. [00:39:24] Speaker B: I'll go by myself. I'll write my podcast questions for you. My, like, whole game show. That's where I come up with it, is when I'm backpacking, so. [00:39:34] Speaker A: Oh, smart. Maybe I do need to just go soul search out into the woods every now and then. [00:39:38] Speaker B: It helps. It helps. [00:39:40] Speaker A: Jeff livestreamed the last time he went out into the woods. It was pretty cool. [00:39:43] Speaker B: Well, thank you, guys. We really appreciate you guys slogging through all of this with us. It has been. It has been an episode, and we appreciate you all so much. So much so that, like, I love your little comments. Like, we ended up getting one from Kyle David Perry, the goat of all time. [00:40:00] Speaker A: Our number one fan. [00:40:01] Speaker B: Our number one fan. We love you, Kyle David Perry. They're great. [00:40:06] Speaker A: You have to say their full name every single time. Like, they just have. Exactly. Exactly. [00:40:11] Speaker B: We should come up with a name for Kyle David Perry. Like, bleem. We should come up. That'll be our next. That'll be our homework. [00:40:17] Speaker A: What's up, KDP? [00:40:19] Speaker B: No, it's. [00:40:19] Speaker A: We'll collaborate. It's. It's a work in progress, honestly. [00:40:22] Speaker B: Just like a podcast. It needs to be collaborative. They said. They said instead of congratulating Jeff on his engagement and a fabulous character voice, I'm choosing violence and grammar. A litter. A little hyperbolic, but they put in parenthesis, parentheses, my pronunciation. Hyperbolic. Wait. Oh, shit. No, that's the right pronunciation. [00:40:48] Speaker A: You said it wrong, dog. [00:40:49] Speaker B: They fucking made me choke because I read it wrong and then read their pronunciation of it to make sure I read it right. [00:40:57] Speaker A: That's so fucking funny. [00:40:59] Speaker B: A little hyperbolic of me, but I stand by my criticism. [00:41:04] Speaker A: Beautiful. [00:41:04] Speaker B: Thank you for the. Thank you for the congratulations. [00:41:07] Speaker A: Even though it wasn't everybody gang up. [00:41:09] Speaker B: On Jeff, that was on the lower ooze episode. Very appreciative of that. We love all the love you guys give us. And if you really want to get in contact with us, Kayla has a million ways. [00:41:22] Speaker A: Oh, how I can count the ways, Jeffrey. We've got YouTube, TikTok, Instagram. You can even reach out to us on email and formerly Twitter. We are tales from the tabletop pod on all social medias except for formerly Twitter that we are. Tales from the TT on there. Reach out to us via email if you have comments, questions, concerns, your own stories that we would like to read. [00:41:48] Speaker B: We need those stories. We would love to hear all of the transphobic and, well, actually, maybe give us a little something light first. But if it's really juicy, can you. [00:41:57] Speaker A: Just tell us a joke? Send us a joke, and I'll read it. If you have any pun suggestions. You obviously need help with that section. [00:42:05] Speaker B: Yeah, it was pretty bad. I mean, it was great. Kayla, you did an incredible job. [00:42:09] Speaker A: Thank you so much, jeff. It's about time someone recognized my greatness. [00:42:14] Speaker B: You're so good, Kayla. [00:42:16] Speaker A: I'm so good. Tell us we were funny. Tell us we were bad. Tell Jeff he looks handsome. You can leave those comments in Spotify under the comment section. That's where kyle David Perry left their lovely comment on last week's episode. We upload every two weeks. Email [email protected]. that is talesfromthetabletoppodmail.com dot. Thank you so much to Jeff for doing all of our editing, for all of our episodes. Thank you so much to me for being funnier and prettier than everybody else. [00:42:48] Speaker B: I thought I was gonna be able to compliment you, and then you hit it with the. God damn it. Thank you so much for Kayla. She's doing this incredible social media stuff. They are on point stuff has been stressful, but you're still killing it. [00:43:01] Speaker A: Kayla, thank you so much. This is the part of the episode where we're kind of nice to each other. [00:43:06] Speaker B: Yeah, of course. We have to be. But I want to. I also want to end on a very positive note. [00:43:11] Speaker A: And what note is that? [00:43:12] Speaker B: So my DM made the 44 rules of D and D. This is by user Kargoth. We appreciate you so much for this. I'm going to read number three. If you call me or my roles unfair, I'll get up and go home. And if you got a ride with me, you can find your own way back and suck it up. Bye, guys. Have a great time. We love you. [00:43:38] Speaker A: Oh, hey, guys, check your DM's. Jeff is a good person. [00:43:49] Speaker B: Whoa, bonkazonkas.