Episode 17 - Abra Kay-Dabra

[00:00:01] Speaker A: What? [00:00:01] Speaker B: Ooh, sorry, Jeremy. Nat one. You know what that means. [00:00:06] Speaker A: No, please. [00:00:07] Speaker B: I have three kids. [00:00:08] Speaker A: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a sec, Kayla. This podcast is not for kids. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Go ahead. [00:00:51] Speaker B: Hello, and welcome to another episode of tales from the tabletop. I am better than everybody else. Hello, Kayla Williams, Dungeon master extraordinaire. [00:01:01] Speaker A: I'm your sun dried tomato, DM. You completely ruined it. Kayla. [00:01:06] Speaker B: Jeff Lunter, you are sunburnt. Huh? [00:01:08] Speaker A: I look like a sun dried tomato. I was selling all my wares like a khajiit. It's funny, my partner was like, go ahead and set up the tent outside. I'm like, so I could look like a dude who just fucking comes out of a tent while selling all of his shit. Like, that's, like, the most terrifying thing I think I would ever see in a girl. [00:01:23] Speaker B: It would have really sealed the deal if you had flowy robes on and sandals. [00:01:29] Speaker A: This is also your fucking fresh off the con voice DM. [00:01:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:34] Speaker A: Fucking Jeff Lunter. I. Oh, Kayla, Kayla, Kayla. I got a story for you. [00:01:39] Speaker B: Oh, no, I don't. [00:01:40] Speaker A: I was just. I got really drunk, and I was deadpool, and it was awesome. And I also wore our first bit of merch. [00:01:46] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna post that picture on the Twitter. [00:01:49] Speaker A: Yeah. That beautiful bit of merch that I wore, it was a tales from the tabletop exclusive t shirt that I wrote I love Wolverine on the back of in finger paints. But that doesn't matter. The most important thing is that I was deadpool. I danced so much that I sweated through the morph suit into the shirt, and I was gasping like a dog, and I didn't even notice because ADHD will carry you far, kid, and we're. [00:02:13] Speaker B: Gonna be able to sell that one day. [00:02:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm like the crypt. I'm like a. Kim called me the con cryptid because I really just. I took photos, I think, with people, and then I was just in the background of a lot of photos. But I'm not gonna be that person that goes on the page, like, who took photos of me. Cause I wanna be mysterious. I am the alter ego. [00:02:30] Speaker B: Hell, yeah. Repping the podcast, too. Our podcast is just in the background of a lot of con photos, too. [00:02:36] Speaker A: Honestly, everyone's gonna be like, oh, shit, is that what's. Tales from the tabletop? Available on Spotify, podcast.com dot. Oh, by the way, to the people that keep emailing us about us, like, making a website, we got it. Thank you. We're good. [00:02:50] Speaker B: What? [00:02:51] Speaker A: Have you been getting those emails? [00:02:52] Speaker B: No, I don't check the emails. That's you. [00:02:55] Speaker A: We're getting flooded with emails that are just like, hey, Jeff. Hey, Kayla. We made a pre thing website for you and you can buy it if you like. We're good. Thanks. It's just a spam shit. But it's weird that they call us by our names and talk about our podcast, so. No, thanks. We appreciate the offer. Thank you for listening. [00:03:13] Speaker B: Right now. [00:03:14] Speaker A: They had to that. Or they're just literally, they took all of the stuff from our page or AI and just put it into a thing. Or AI. Yeah, they're just like, hey, take from Tales from the Tabletop podcast. Wow. It's not even our email. It's like my. Oh, you know what it is? It's the one that Spotify is attached to. [00:03:31] Speaker B: Oh, okay. That's why that makes more sense, because I was like, the only emails we're getting are the social media emails of, like, oh, blah, blah, blah. Liked your post. Thank you for liking our posts. I work really hard on that. [00:03:43] Speaker A: Hey, we really appreciate it. [00:03:44] Speaker B: We like the traction. [00:03:45] Speaker A: We love you guys. [00:03:46] Speaker B: I also lost my voice this last week, but not because I was having fun at a convention repping the one and only t shirt. Also, thank you, Kim, Jeff's fiancee. You're awesome for making that. [00:03:57] Speaker A: Appreciate you. [00:03:58] Speaker B: We love and respect you. I had bronchitis. [00:04:00] Speaker A: Woo. Woo. [00:04:02] Speaker B: So I still sound a little like shit. More than usual. [00:04:06] Speaker A: Yeah. The worst thing we can do as podcasters is fuck up our voices. And yet we both did it on. [00:04:10] Speaker B: The same week, same time Jeff sent me. Cause we were going to record earlier in the week, Jeff sent me a voice memo being like, uh, kayla, I can't do it this week. [00:04:21] Speaker A: I think I might insert into the episode, that was a really good voice recording in my fucking shitty voice. We'll see. It might be in the episode here. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to record the podcast today. I recorded a message just so you could hear how bad I sound. Yeah, when you're screaming, so much for Anthony Burch being shirtless, I don't blame you. [00:04:37] Speaker B: Yeah, when you have a bacterial infection. Bacterial? I don't know what bronchitis is. I was fucked up. Now I'm on a cough suppressant and filonase. [00:04:46] Speaker A: No, we're not a medical podcast, though, so don't come to us medical advice. But if you're coughing for more than ten days, go get it checked out. Yeah, don't be afraid of the doctor. I was afraid of the doctor, and for two months, my wrist was fucked up, and now I'm wearing a wrist brace, so don't be doing that shit, y'all. [00:05:02] Speaker B: My coworker was listening to me cough, and she was like, how long have you had this cough? And I was like, I don't know, since last Thursday. And she was like, having a cough for ten days is a ridiculous amount of time to be sick. You should go to the doctor. And I was like, oh. Oh, shit, maybe I should. [00:05:18] Speaker A: Yeah. Working in a hospital, coughing your head off, they love that shit. [00:05:22] Speaker B: I mean, I wore a mask, and they were very like, the nurse wouldn't even come close to me until she confirmed that I was not COVID positive. [00:05:29] Speaker A: Nice. Nice. I love that. Good. Avoid the plague. Like, the plague. [00:05:33] Speaker B: I was like, I didn't think I was contagious or anything like that, but I still wore the mask out of respect. And you can still spread germs around even if you're not sick. It's still kind of nasty to just be coughing, you know? [00:05:44] Speaker A: Yeah. So how was the show? How was fucking dungeons and daddies? [00:05:48] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I wanted to talk about it on the podcast. So, everybody, Dungeons and Daddies is a podcast about dads from our world going into Faerun and saving the world over there. It is an actual play kind of podcast, and it's one of my favorite things ever. I'm sure if you listen to us, you know what dungeons and daddies is. If not, go listen to them. I saw their live show in Chicago last weekend. I wasn't feverish anymore by the time I went, but my friend, I was actually. So the reason I started the podcast saying I was better than everybody else is. My friend works at the theater at which the show was held, so she got us guest passes. So I got to be in one of those little booths, like the president booths off to the. [00:06:38] Speaker A: Oh, my God. And you didn't get shot. [00:06:40] Speaker B: And I didn't get shot. John Wilkes booth was literally seething and foaming at the mouth, dude. [00:06:45] Speaker A: Oh, my God. And it's like, also, it sounds like your friend is better than everyone else. Cause they're the ones that had access to the thing. Not you, Kayla. [00:06:53] Speaker B: No, no, no. I was an esteemed guest. [00:06:55] Speaker A: I was an esteemed guest. I made contact. Eye contact with Matt Arnold. [00:07:00] Speaker B: I did make eye contact with Matt Arnold. So the show was fantastic. They played dread, which was a big Jenga tower in the middle of the stage that they pulled from to make decisions. They would roll dice to determine how well they did, and that would determine how many blocks they had to pull. [00:07:17] Speaker A: Sounds like some. Any kind of live show that our boys at Adventure zone do, then they bring out the cornhole of Destiny and shit like that. [00:07:25] Speaker B: Yeah. It gave me ideas for when we eventually do our big live show. [00:07:29] Speaker A: Yeah, we can't wait to see you in Cleveland and Chicago. And that's all we're going to so far. It's amazing. [00:07:36] Speaker B: No venues, just, you can see us around. [00:07:39] Speaker A: You can see us. We live there. [00:07:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Doxxed. There was a point in time where Anthony himself, Anthony is the main DM guys. He's very sassy, and I love him. He had to pull ten Jenga blocks from the tower, and when he successfully did it, he took his shirt off to reveal his full back tattoo. Like, it's a full panel back tattoo. [00:08:02] Speaker A: And this man, like a fucking yakuza. [00:08:04] Speaker B: This man does not look like he would have a back tattoo. I got to see that shit in person. It was incredible. [00:08:10] Speaker A: He sounds so thirsty. Go drink your water, dog. [00:08:12] Speaker B: We need to drink water. [00:08:13] Speaker A: We need to get to the podcast. We need to get to the podcast. [00:08:16] Speaker B: I'm so sorry. I made eye contact with Matt Arnold. I made eye contact with Matt Arnold, and he threw a foam finger to me that says, go, teens. If you don't listen to the podcast, you have no context for why these things are fun to me. But I had a really good time. [00:08:33] Speaker A: So I'm incredible, and I'm going to start this week. I am your sun dried tomato. Here we go. [00:08:39] Speaker B: Nobody eats sun dried tomatoes anymore, huh? That was a fad. [00:08:43] Speaker A: Yeah. It's like the same kind of shit. I don't do any diet fads because I'm a fucking idiot. I don't understand foods. Then people are like, we like this in particular. What was the point? What was the thing with that cup? The Stanley cup? Are we too old? [00:08:55] Speaker B: Yes. [00:08:55] Speaker A: Like the fucking NAScar thing. [00:08:57] Speaker B: Don't say we. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Look, Kayla, you're young, right? [00:09:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:01] Speaker A: You understand what Stanley cups are? Did you get the five below one and get made fun of in your high school? [00:09:05] Speaker B: No. For me, water bottles weren't, like, the big thing in high school. I was fucking weird in high school too. I was a scene kid. [00:09:12] Speaker A: Oh, what the fuck? [00:09:14] Speaker B: Now everybody romanticizes that culture. Like, being a scene kid. We got made. [00:09:19] Speaker A: Why wasn't it cool when I was in high school? Yeah. [00:09:21] Speaker B: And now people are posting edits on TikTok being like, ugh, us. And it's, like, old. Two thousands pictures of seen kids. Maybe I'll post of what I used to look like. [00:09:33] Speaker A: That would be fucking insane. [00:09:33] Speaker B: I was a scene queen. I used to get posted on Facebook pages. [00:09:36] Speaker A: What the. [00:09:37] Speaker B: I was a big deal. [00:09:38] Speaker A: I was Scene magazine. I was on Facebook. [00:09:41] Speaker B: I had a tumblr. [00:09:42] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Anyway, so you still do shut up. Oh, so this is from RdDR stories. Don't you still have a tumblr? [00:09:50] Speaker B: I'm assuming I do. [00:09:51] Speaker A: This stories from configuring sausage. And the title is DM hates players is a huge ass. With rules, with rules, with rules. Of course, we don't have any rules. [00:10:02] Speaker B: To go by now that the 44 rules have gotten deleted. [00:10:05] Speaker A: Yeah, I tried to. I'm a dumbass. And I think from now on, Kayla's like, oh, yeah, you should just screenshot your shit. I'm like, oh, yeah? Well, maybe I should. I didn't think about that. But the 44 DM tips or the things that make a DM mad that aren't allowed at a session are now gone. So I don't know what we're gonna do, guys. It makes everyone. We're just gonna make them angry. We're gonna make each other angry and not know how to fix it. [00:10:26] Speaker B: So I'll make my own rules. [00:10:28] Speaker A: Sorry, guys. So this one, the very recent post from about 20 days ago, because that's what we have to do or else shit will get deleted. Ran a campaign with two GM's and God damn, this was the worst Gm I've seen in so long. And one GM was absolute dog shit. [00:10:44] Speaker B: Tell them how to deal. [00:10:46] Speaker A: Two GM's right off the bat. One was the worst GM and then one was dog shit. So, okay, they're both. [00:10:52] Speaker B: Tag yourself. I'm the worst. You're dog shit. [00:10:55] Speaker A: Yes, I am. Yes. Tag yourself. So, first warning sign. The GM power trips like all hell. They refer to themselves as the God of the game. And when they're told a rule that works in the scenario or explained how certain things work, they get mad and make their own rule out of nowhere. For the record, this GM was horrible with the rules to the point where they don't even know what a saving throw was, despite this not being their first campaign. [00:11:21] Speaker B: Damn. Is this about me, Kayla? [00:11:24] Speaker A: This is really, honestly, is this one of our players? Cause the way it's written seems like it's one of our players. [00:11:29] Speaker B: I knew they felt this way. Every DM's worst nightmare is that their players fucking hate them. [00:11:34] Speaker A: And then they post und horror stories or rpg horror stories or some bullshit, and you're like, oh, no, oh, no. Second warning sign. The GM is super controlling. There are so many examples to name. I'll just go through. Notable ones had characters entire fates planned out, including unavoidable death. Uh oh. [00:11:52] Speaker B: Uh oh. [00:11:52] Speaker A: Is this gonna stir up some old DM hatred that Kayla has? No, we're fine. We got that. We got over it. [00:11:58] Speaker B: Keep reading, Jeff. [00:11:59] Speaker A: It's been 15 episodes. We got over it. Commonly took over as a God and had the party go places they wanted them to go by force despite lack of planning. Okay, this is bad. This is rad. Whatever. Forced people to rp exactly how they wanted, revealing character details to party, using characters voice, never speaking out of character, etcetera. [00:12:21] Speaker B: Sounds kind of exhausting. Yeah. [00:12:23] Speaker A: What the fuck? Are you just gonna dm everyone? Like, what are you. What do you. Okay. Chose to not allow players to pick their race or class upon death. Yes. This isn't even a joke. If a character died, the DM would make them a new one. When this was revealed and players requested races they want as they went as far as to tell them, they do the exact opposite. This is just a DM being a piece of shit to players and like, okay, fuck this guy. Yes. Huge ass with rules. Keep going. DM nerfed abilities and spells on the spot if it did something they didn't want it to. For example, telepathic speech was being note being noticed by anyone with a semblance of magic. Talent detect mallet magic. Not finding a school of magic create water, just not being allowed to be used. Dissonant whispers doing what? That? No, no water. [00:13:15] Speaker B: No water. [00:13:15] Speaker A: No fucking water. [00:13:17] Speaker B: Die thirsty bitch. [00:13:19] Speaker A: If you can't handle a five foot cube of water, dog, there's something else going on with your. [00:13:23] Speaker B: It's not even that much water. [00:13:25] Speaker A: It's like a five cubic foot of water. And that's like, I have to be fair. That's 5ft of water. [00:13:30] Speaker B: That's crazy. I've done some fuck ass things with some of the base spells. Like I used shape water to make fake, like playing cards to cheat with in cards. [00:13:40] Speaker A: Yeah, you've done some fuck ass shit. But it's funny. It's good. It's the rule of cool, baby. That's what we do here. [00:13:45] Speaker B: To just not even allow spells is fucking nuts. [00:13:48] Speaker A: Dissonant whispers doing less damage than a single spear. Tab rolled Max damage on two guards while twinning it. Neither died. And more dissonant whispers I don't know. What is it like? Look at us. [00:14:00] Speaker B: It's a psychic damage I know it's. [00:14:02] Speaker A: I know it's a psychic damage. I'm trying to figure out how many d eight s or whatever it does. Hold on, I want to see what the actual damage is. On it. Three D six. Psychic damage. Okay, so they're just like, why would you nerf that? That's bad already. [00:14:16] Speaker B: Yeah, just three D six. Does it change? Of course it changes with the spell level cast. But I wonder what level they were casting it at. I have no windspurs. A cantrip. [00:14:25] Speaker A: Dissonant whispers is a first level. Nope. Yes. First level enchantment. [00:14:30] Speaker B: Okay, then. [00:14:31] Speaker A: I think it's a bard spell, right? [00:14:33] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a bard spell. [00:14:34] Speaker A: I wouldn't know. As egotistical as I am, I've never played a bard. Except when I played a radio. [00:14:39] Speaker B: Yeah, and then we just turned you down. [00:14:41] Speaker A: Yeah, you just turned me down when I talked too much, took pretty much all suggestions as insults, rudely blew others off when trying to suggest a rule or recommendation, et cetera. I'm a DM who loves criticism. I need people to help me. If you're not enjoying it, if you think I'm doing something wrong, hit me with that shit. Because most of the time I'm playing with people that know the game better than I do. So I don't mind, like, okay, this is how it should be, or whatever. Like, this is the actual rules as written kind of shit. [00:15:10] Speaker B: I just keep saying shit until someone tells me that's not the case. [00:15:14] Speaker A: We just allow it. Just allow it. Go for it. [00:15:17] Speaker B: And you guys, typically, will only correct me if you think I'll have more fun as the TM. If I don't. [00:15:23] Speaker A: If I don't. Look, you're missing a very important part of dissonant whispers. It does three D six instead of go. [00:15:30] Speaker B: Great. Anyway, we're bad teams. Like, what do you want from us? We don't know the rules or spell things like, come on, we're playing Dresden files. [00:15:46] Speaker A: Yeah, we're playing Dresden because rules suck and my players don't listen. Third warning sign demanding players have certain IRL items and such. No digital dice allowed. No online sheets allowed. You had to have motherfucking candles for ambiance. What? You had to have a webcam, etcetera. Wait, what if it's an online game? Why are you like. No, no, no online things. [00:16:12] Speaker B: I have to see candles. How are they gonna know if you're using fucking digital dice? [00:16:17] Speaker A: Motherfucker? My landlord said I can't have candles in my apartment. What do you mean? [00:16:22] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, the candles are kind of sick, but, like, in person. Why do you need all these people to, like. Hey, guys, I sent the Amazon link to the discord. Could you please buy just this candle type so we all match? You need six of them. Thanks. [00:16:36] Speaker A: Hey. Hey, Jeremy. Hey. Hey. Turn around. Um, I don't know if you noticed, but your candle went out and I'm gonna need you to light that back up before we continue. [00:16:43] Speaker B: You can't use matches. [00:16:45] Speaker A: You have to produce fa. Produce flame is banned, so you can't do that spell. Sorry. [00:16:50] Speaker B: Yeah, no electric lighters either. [00:16:52] Speaker A: Always flint. Cool. [00:16:53] Speaker B: I would use Flint. [00:16:57] Speaker A: Last warning sign. A deep hatred for spellcasters. Wizards could only pick spells from their school. Wait, the whole point of wizards is that they can do, like, all these different spells. What the fuck? Anyways, no, I guess that sort. Who cares? Fuck you, spellcasters. [00:17:13] Speaker B: Fuck you. I don't know how to play this game. [00:17:15] Speaker A: Fuck you. We don't know D and D, but neither do they. And their words. Spells with a melee range. Proc opportunity it. Okay, I'm getting mad. All these technical terms that Kayla's like, wait, they don't. Pretty much every area could entirely negate magic. Prison had anti magic. Entirety of most major cities were anti magic. This one disease sped up when magic was used and there were all, these were all back to back plot points. So what the fuck is the point of magic? No spellcasters. Also, if you are a spellcaster, can't use it here, can't use it here, can't use it here. Thank you. [00:17:51] Speaker B: That's actually so infuriating. I understand as like a new dm that it can be frustrating when a player uses spells because some of the spells can feel overpowered and just completely change the game state. So it can be a little intimidating when all of your players use. Just gonna throw a random example out there. Gaseous form 20 times in a single session, and this beautiful maze that you planned for everybody just becomes fucking obsolete. [00:18:18] Speaker A: You sound like you're speaking from experience. [00:18:20] Speaker B: No, it's just an example. [00:18:22] Speaker A: That's my fiance, you motherfucking. [00:18:24] Speaker B: Who's kidding? That's my fiance's gaseous form. And then one of our players kept going, I don't know. I have one more gaseous form, so I think I might want to use that. [00:18:35] Speaker A: I love that. That was great. That was probably everyone was having their moments and just like, nah, I don't want to deal with that. I only move 10ft. Fuck it. We're going to go up. [00:18:44] Speaker B: I'm just going to fucking bang my head against the wall, I guess. [00:18:47] Speaker A: I guess if the spell exists. Sorry, no magic in this room. Sorry. [00:18:52] Speaker B: But it was funny. Like, those funny moments would have never happened if I didn't. If I just banned Gash's form. You know what I mean? [00:19:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I love funny moments. I love just like utilizing low level magic or just magic in general in ways that the rules did not play. And I think there was a recent thing on dimension 20 where they were talking about simulacrum, the spell, and they're like, there's literally no world where this isn't just funny joke spell because you're literally creating a clone of someone that has all the abilities they have and have certain amount of spells. It's just literally another person that, like, it's just comedy. This is just a comedy spell. [00:19:30] Speaker B: It's just meant to be funny. [00:19:32] Speaker A: And that's how a lot of spells are. Although, like, ones that are purposely supposed to be funny are very like, okay, this is awkward. This is like, your sense of humor sucks. Sorry, wizards, but whatever. [00:19:43] Speaker B: Sorry, wizards of the coast. Sorry, Gygax. [00:19:47] Speaker A: Let us handle the comedy. [00:19:49] Speaker B: Yeah, let me, let me. [00:19:50] Speaker A: It's already the laughing stock. It's fucking pride month, bitch. We don't want to hear from you this month. [00:19:54] Speaker B: What a tangent. [00:19:56] Speaker A: Anyway, all that to say, but when their magic NPC's used it, they could do pretty much anything with ease. Despite being like a random herbalist or in a random town in the desert. [00:20:08] Speaker B: Classic. [00:20:09] Speaker A: Yeah, classic NPC's can do whatever they want. Just like mine. [00:20:12] Speaker B: Everybody's secretly a 20 level, 20 adventurer. [00:20:16] Speaker A: Yeah, try and hit my NPC's. They'll treat you like they do in fucking World of Warcraft where every fucking character that's not like main characters or whatever, all the main characters are just like the max level. Fuck it. Try something, bitch. [00:20:27] Speaker B: Just try it, bitch. I dare you. [00:20:29] Speaker A: Many of these things were established prior to the campaign and the majority of the players were brand new to D and D. This was their introduction to the game. Oh no. [00:20:39] Speaker B: I'd never play again. [00:20:41] Speaker A: Like, my first DM wasn't a shining example, but at least he had. But at least fuck me. But he at least had good grips on the rules. This DM is just horrible. I feel so bad for the other players. [00:20:54] Speaker B: That's so tough. [00:20:55] Speaker A: That's the story. Just so fucking bad. [00:20:57] Speaker B: It sucks. There's so many people who want to get into dungeons and dragons and so many of them, that shit is their first experience. Because people want to DM without having the responsibility of, like, taking the story and making sure everybody has fun. [00:21:13] Speaker A: But it's also like the DM needs to have fun, too. But here's the thing. I understand not wanting to read all the rules. What you can do to make that easier is to let the players know the rules for their own thing. And then you work around that. Know the DM rules, know the things that you have to figure out for your NPC's. Let the players figure out their own things. And if they tell you something and are confused by something, then you look it up. Or maybe you had the base knowledge because you've done it so much. But as a first time DM or whatever, you don't need to know everything. You don't need to railroad things to make things happen. [00:21:46] Speaker B: I think it's really beautiful when a group of people start a new system together and go through the growing pains together. That's what we've been doing with the fate system. All of us are just kind of fumbling, and then we don't find out till, like, two sessions later. Like, oops, I don't think I use my fate points correctly, or I didn't refresh, or I didn't drain my pool, and it's just part of growing into it. And you can do that with dungeons and dragons, five e or any of the other editions. It can be fun to learn with people. You don't always have to have an expert at the table. [00:22:19] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:22:20] Speaker B: But you can't act like you're the fucking guy, dude. You're not that guy, pal. We all joke. We have God complexes, but you're not that guy. [00:22:28] Speaker A: Obviously, you're not a God. [00:22:30] Speaker B: Sorry, dude, you got to earn that godly title like me. I'm perfect, and everybody loves my stories. [00:22:35] Speaker A: Help me. I'm trapped with Kayla in a room and I can't get out. Please. [00:22:38] Speaker B: Next segment. [00:22:39] Speaker A: I'm in a podcast with her, and I'm stuck. [00:22:46] Speaker B: Okay. Now that I've got Jeff handcuffed to the radiator of his room. [00:22:52] Speaker A: Nice. [00:22:52] Speaker B: It's time for me to do a new segment. [00:22:55] Speaker A: Oh, wait, hold on. I could stay here for a bit. [00:22:59] Speaker B: I knew you were going to say that, Jeff. And it's not just the microchip I put in the back of your brain. [00:23:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:05] Speaker B: So now is a new segment I like to call Kayla's cauldron. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's the sound of a cauldron bubbling. [00:23:13] Speaker A: Are you gonna cook? [00:23:15] Speaker B: No, I'm not gonna cook, but you are here. Cook. [00:23:17] Speaker A: Let her. Oh, let him cook. Let him cook. [00:23:20] Speaker B: It's gonna be a little bit different than we did last time. So Jeff is now my wizard apprentice. Congratulations, jev. Here are your. [00:23:29] Speaker A: What do I get? Do I get a badge? Oh, I get a robe. [00:23:31] Speaker B: You get robes. [00:23:32] Speaker A: It's too hot. I'm gonna. Is it okay if I put it on later? [00:23:34] Speaker B: You can, like, leave it open. Like, put it on. Like, you can wear a tank top underneath. [00:23:39] Speaker A: It's a bathrobe. Okay. [00:23:41] Speaker B: It's like a bathrobe, but it looks really cool on you. [00:23:45] Speaker A: Honestly. [00:23:45] Speaker B: It's like one of the Balenciaga ones, but it's fuchsia. [00:23:48] Speaker A: Sure, sure. [00:23:51] Speaker B: So come in. Come into my tower. Everybody, take a seat near the cauldron. So, since Jeff is a novice wizard and doesn't know anything about anything, I'm gonna have to train him up with my own spells. [00:24:05] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. I like where this is going. [00:24:07] Speaker B: Okay, so what I'm going to do is I am going to give you one of my many spells for my grimoire, and you have to tell me what spell components you think we would use for this. [00:24:20] Speaker A: Okay? [00:24:20] Speaker B: I have ideas of what my own spell components be. So it's not going to be like a quiz, a test, or anything. It's a collaborative space because magic is flexible. [00:24:30] Speaker A: Awesome. And if I'm funnier than you, you're not pushed into a corner. [00:24:33] Speaker B: Not madame mathically possible. I'm the master here. Okay. [00:24:39] Speaker A: All right. [00:24:40] Speaker B: Now get over here. [00:24:41] Speaker A: I'm not gonna call you that. Yeah, I'm here. [00:24:44] Speaker B: Technically, master wouldn't be correct. It'd be mistress, because I identify as a woman. But you don't have to use that either. You can just. [00:24:51] Speaker A: I'm not calling you either. Sorry. [00:24:53] Speaker B: You can say wizard extraordinaire. That would be a good one, I think. I'd appreciate that. [00:24:57] Speaker A: Teach me your ways, person. [00:24:59] Speaker B: Okay. Come here. Come here. [00:25:00] Speaker A: Thanks, dude. [00:25:01] Speaker B: So I've got a few spells here. The way it's gonna work is I'll give you the spell. I'll describe what the spell does. We can be like, oh, my God, Kayla, you're so funny. And then we can go into what we think the spell components would be. That's where you come in, and you're like, oh, my God, I'm so funny. [00:25:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go, let's go. [00:25:19] Speaker B: The first spell I have in my magical grimoire is detect milfs. [00:25:25] Speaker A: Holy shit. Holy shit. So first thing you're gonna do is you're gonna. You're gonna use a computer that is on a porn page. [00:25:34] Speaker B: I'm gonna describe the spell to you first of all. [00:25:37] Speaker A: Oh, go on. Sorry. What does the spell do? [00:25:39] Speaker B: Don't get ahead of me. [00:25:40] Speaker A: Assume it does what the fucking title of it says. [00:25:43] Speaker B: These young apprentices, these young wizards, they have no patience for the old ways. So detect MILFS is a spell that lets you detect single moms within a 50 miles radius. And you can add 50 miles per spell level cast. [00:25:57] Speaker A: Okay, so single moms in your area. Yes. You. You find a fucking advertisement, click on that, make sure the page is open, and then dumped your computer in the cold room. You need a computer in a single mom's Internet browser. I would say wedding ring, but maybe they're divorced, so. Yeah. Find their old wedding ring. Toss that shit in there. Maybe just a wedding ring. [00:26:21] Speaker B: Why not just a wedding ring? It doesn't have to be wedding ring. [00:26:23] Speaker A: I mean. Yeah. Cause all the single ladies, if you like it, then put the ring in it. In the cauldron. [00:26:28] Speaker B: In the cauldron. [00:26:29] Speaker A: So you get that and then a soccer van. You put the whole van into a cauldron. [00:26:37] Speaker B: You're gonna need a bigger cauldron. [00:26:39] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:26:40] Speaker B: I was thinking maybe too, like a summoner's circle. Could be good, since it's a scrying spell, almost. So you just get the big minivan, and you draw the scrying circle around it with all your runes, and you throw the other shit in there, and it goes whoosh. [00:26:55] Speaker A: That's a really good idea. I like that. [00:26:57] Speaker B: And then the Britney Spears perfume starts. [00:27:01] Speaker A: Go on. [00:27:02] Speaker B: Wafting over the lands, and you can follow it towards single mills in your area. Do you want to know what I would put in the cauldron? [00:27:09] Speaker A: All right. Go on. So what are your components? What are you putting in? [00:27:13] Speaker B: For me? I'm a much more practical girl, okay. I don't need all of these big, flashy spell components. [00:27:19] Speaker A: I would simply use minivan. [00:27:22] Speaker B: Like a minivan? Exactly. Typical young apprentices. Too flashy, too wasteful. I would use a margarita and a cruise ticket. [00:27:32] Speaker A: Oh, fuck. That's it. That's it. [00:27:34] Speaker B: It's good. [00:27:34] Speaker A: And a pair of sunglasses. And a pair of sunglasses. That's so perfect. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Yeah, the sunglasses are, like, cat eye and way too chunky. [00:27:42] Speaker A: Yes. With rhinestones. We love it. [00:27:45] Speaker B: And it says, I love San Diego. [00:27:48] Speaker A: On the sunglasses on the side. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:50] Speaker A: Nice. [00:27:51] Speaker B: And that should be enough. [00:27:53] Speaker A: Good spell. Did we find our milfs in the area? [00:27:55] Speaker B: Yeah, I can detect. [00:27:56] Speaker A: Find out later. [00:27:58] Speaker B: Beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. All right, beautiful. [00:28:01] Speaker A: My milfs are is on. [00:28:02] Speaker B: You know, I think now we could step it up a little bit more. That was a simple scrying spell is more ways than one you can commit to a spell. This next one, this next one I want to give you, because I want you to be prepared as you go into battle. You're a young adventurer. You're going to be getting into fights, so you're going to need some help on your side. [00:28:22] Speaker A: So it's teleport away from the fight spell? [00:28:25] Speaker B: Not quite. This next one is. Can I speak to your manager? It's a work in progress. It summons a deity that has minimal power over an enemy creature. They can cast one banishment spell per summoning. So you can cast the spell multiple times per spell slot or whatever, and they get one banishment per whatever. It is guaranteed to work on a medium enemy creature of your choosing. [00:28:55] Speaker A: So the first spell component would be a strand of your hair because you got the Karen haircut. [00:29:00] Speaker B: That's crazy. [00:29:01] Speaker A: And that. And then I have a bisexual bob. Yes. Okay, fair. Sorry, I don't know the difference. But. So then we would get that. That we would. We would get an incorrect food order, right? So we throw that in there. An incorrect food order, a bisexual bob cut hair strands, and third spell component would be an Applebee's gift card. Because what the hell? I got this for my birthday, and I got my food should be free, and it's. Now it's wrong. Yes. [00:29:37] Speaker B: Applebee's specifically. Huh? Is that where all the Karens hang out? [00:29:40] Speaker A: That's where all my Karen's hang out. [00:29:42] Speaker B: That's crazy. [00:29:43] Speaker A: Cause I'm a Karen. That's where I'm going. [00:29:45] Speaker B: You know, it's not intended, but the first two spells detect milfs and. Can I speak to your manager? Go a little bit hand in hand. More than previously intended, I think. [00:29:56] Speaker A: Wait, hold on, whoa, hold on. [00:29:58] Speaker B: Not all MILFs are karens, but some karens are MILFs. [00:30:01] Speaker A: That was philosophical. Look, we get. People say we don't give good advice on this podcast. [00:30:06] Speaker B: We're digging deep. [00:30:07] Speaker A: The pronunciation of hyperbolic. [00:30:09] Speaker B: Hyperbolic, stupid. Now, that's all good and dandy. I think you're on the right track with your spell components. I think you definitely could summon some sort of Karen archetype with that. Me personally, I like to go very solid. I need to know exactly what I'm summoning. So I would put in a bad bob cut. So good on that. A knockoff coach purse. [00:30:31] Speaker A: Not a coach. What is a couch? [00:30:35] Speaker B: Instead of the horse and chariot on the side, it's just a horse minus it says cooch. [00:30:41] Speaker A: Cooch. First brand of merch. We already talked about having a t shirt, but we're also going to have cooch bags. Baby, don't forget your cooches. How else are you going to be able to summon Karen's? We got our cooch merch coming, y'all. [00:30:55] Speaker B: I like to sell component starter kits for everybody, so you'll have a little bag with everything you need to summon your very own Karen. Protect you in battle. We're selling minivans, the final component, which you were kind of close with the applebee's gift card, but I personally like to use an expired coupon. [00:31:14] Speaker A: Oh, that's good. [00:31:15] Speaker B: They can smell them from a mile away. [00:31:17] Speaker A: Like, um, excuse me, this expired yesterday, but you should accept it anyways. [00:31:23] Speaker B: Yeah. So you basically become the Karen and then summon the manager of an enemy deity. Enemy deity. Enemy creature. [00:31:30] Speaker A: We love it. I love it so much. That's good. That was good, Kayla. I'm proud of you. [00:31:34] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:31:34] Speaker A: Don't forget the sunglasses too, because the sunglasses. Sit down. [00:31:37] Speaker B: We could throw the sunglasses in from the first one too, as a tree. Yeah. [00:31:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:41] Speaker B: This is like a little booster. [00:31:42] Speaker A: If you have a lot of I love San Diego sunglasses sitting around, might as well use it for the spell too. [00:31:47] Speaker B: And I have so many. All right, next spell from my magical grimoire is called wish. [00:31:54] Speaker A: Wish what? [00:31:55] Speaker B: Wish. Wish. Say it. [00:31:57] Speaker A: Wish. Wish. Buying something off of Teemu and wish at the same time and hoping one of them gets there close within the next six months. [00:32:04] Speaker B: Very close. It's the exact same as the wish spell, but the results manifest months later and are technically what you ordered. But sure. [00:32:14] Speaker A: I like this. [00:32:16] Speaker B: Things are expensive nowadays, and I just need to do all of my impulse shopping through wishing, and the wish is too hard to come by. I think wish was. [00:32:26] Speaker A: I thought team was the new wish. Are we too old? Is there still a wish? [00:32:29] Speaker B: There's still a wish. [00:32:30] Speaker A: I'm looking up wish.com dot. I'm casting wishes into the world. [00:32:34] Speaker B: They had a website. I only remember the app. [00:32:36] Speaker A: Yeah, wish.com. [00:32:38] Speaker B: Wish baby. [00:32:40] Speaker A: I clicked on it. [00:32:41] Speaker B: They shut her down. [00:32:42] Speaker A: No, it doesn't say out of business. [00:32:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:32:45] Speaker A: Just take a very long. It took a very long time to open, and I thought I disconnected. I'm like, hello, it's a broken website. [00:32:51] Speaker B: Oh, no, dude. Yeah, I guess timu is the new wish. But, like, wish wins by heart. Bro. Yeah, I just love buying shitty little things. [00:33:00] Speaker A: Alright, so first thing you nude. Need you nude. [00:33:04] Speaker B: First thing you got. [00:33:07] Speaker A: First thing you nude is a credit card that has expired. That's the first thing. Because by the time it gets there, my credit card expires and they're gonna have to charge me again. Second thing you need. Let's see. You need not an Amazon driver. You need an amazonian, like hair from an Amazonian to deliver your package for you. Or even better, hair from a UPS driver. They're few and far between, right? They still exist. [00:33:35] Speaker B: Yes, they still exist. [00:33:37] Speaker A: Hair from a UPS driver. And don't get it mixed up with the dog hair on them because then you'll start, you'll look like a dog. Just like Hermione. [00:33:45] Speaker B: Dog. Twisted. [00:33:46] Speaker A: Don't get it. Twisted. They loot. They do love petting dogs. So they might have dog hair on their uniform. So dog hair from a. I'm sorry, hair from a UPS driver, expired credit card and. And an address that has one digit incorrect. [00:34:04] Speaker B: And you'd never know. [00:34:06] Speaker A: You'd never know. And you're just like, why didn't it show up? It looks right. I've looked at it three. Fuck. [00:34:11] Speaker B: Hey, don't worry. Here's a 50 cent hair clip to make you feel better. [00:34:14] Speaker A: Hey, thanks, dude. Appreciate it. [00:34:16] Speaker B: And you never feel that attached to it in the first place because, let's be so real, you paid $5 for. [00:34:21] Speaker A: It, you forgot you ordered it. And by the time it gets there. [00:34:23] Speaker B: You'Re like, wait, it's like a reward. [00:34:26] Speaker A: It's like your own present buttress. What are the. What are the things? What are the components? I don't know what it is that like. Oh, you said mistress. My bad. [00:34:37] Speaker B: Buttress is like a butler, but a Tris. [00:34:40] Speaker A: Sure. That's what it is, Kayla. I'm pretty sure it's a piece of clothing, isn't it? [00:34:44] Speaker B: A bodice? Are you mistaken? Fortress is a bodice. No. [00:34:48] Speaker A: We've been googling so much. A projecting support or. No, that's not right. That doesn't prove my point. Oh, yeah, that's what it is. A projecting support of stone or brick built against a wall. [00:34:58] Speaker B: Yeah, that's me, I guess. [00:35:00] Speaker A: You holding this podcast up. Anyways. What are the buttress? [00:35:03] Speaker B: I'm a fucking back dog. I would use a credit card and a shopping addiction. Much better. [00:35:09] Speaker A: Okay, but how do you physically manifest a shopping addiction? [00:35:13] Speaker B: You know, you just have to sweat when you're holding that credit card over the cauldron. You just gotta start sweating. Into the cauldron before you drop it in really makes the brew believe it's. [00:35:24] Speaker A: Not gonna be one pair of sunglasses. It's gonna be the 35 that you have up on a shelf. Cause you bought too many. And you're like, fuck, I have a shopping problem. [00:35:30] Speaker B: I like to be fully stocked on all of my components. Okay. When you're in a tower in the middle of nowhere, it's really hard. We don't get Amazon out here. We get ups. [00:35:40] Speaker A: We get ups and their dog hairs. We don't get the best. Okay. [00:35:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:35:44] Speaker A: And then sometimes we fuck up familiar stuff on TMU. [00:35:49] Speaker B: My familiar isn't even guarding the gates right now because he's waiting to see the UPS driver because of how much shit I have to order. So it's good to be. [00:35:56] Speaker A: Yeah. They said arriving between 04:00 a.m. and we've been there all day. [00:36:02] Speaker B: That's why we have to do this lesson up here. And I'm standing near the window looking out for the UPS driver, Kayla. [00:36:08] Speaker A: I love magic. Yeah. [00:36:09] Speaker B: So the last spell. Oh. Oh, fuck. There's the ups driver. Move. [00:36:15] Speaker A: Oh. [00:36:20] Speaker B: All right. Now we're back to do the thing we originally set out to do is read a story. [00:36:26] Speaker A: I loved your stories. You're a game. It was a good game. I like the game. But you're also setting an expectation for yourself to bring a game every podcast episode. [00:36:35] Speaker B: I want to vary our podcast up. I want to have different segments that are going to rotate every week. Maybe Jeff could. You know, he started as my apprentice. Maybe eventually he will become his own wizard, but I am going to be spending some time training him up with some games. [00:36:51] Speaker A: Yes. This is. Honestly, I'm learning so much on how to be a game guy. Game man. Game master. There we go. GM, baby. [00:37:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Nice try, Jeff. [00:37:02] Speaker A: Good one. [00:37:03] Speaker B: The whole reason we started reading stories was to teach Jeff lessons. And now he's old enough to where we can keep saying these lessons, but he can start practicing magic. [00:37:16] Speaker A: All right, what's your story, loser? [00:37:18] Speaker B: Speaking of Bad DM's, this one is called how I left a party even before session one because of critical role. [00:37:26] Speaker A: That's fucked up also. Fuck you. I'm already mad. Fuck you. [00:37:29] Speaker B: Oh, you look critical role fan. [00:37:31] Speaker A: Critical role isn't the number one D and D podcast in the world, dog. Fuck you. [00:37:36] Speaker B: I think they do set on site unrealistic expectations for regular tables, though. [00:37:43] Speaker A: Like, I love what they do and introduce a lot of people to D and D, but on site. [00:37:47] Speaker B: Mad Mercer on site, dude, that's what he gets for being fucking pretty. Anyway, yeah, this happened about six months ago. I would normally give you the name of the person who wrote the story, but they deleted their account. [00:37:59] Speaker A: Wow. [00:38:00] Speaker B: Yeah, this one was. [00:38:02] Speaker A: This is that bad of a story? We did need. These are good stories because, you know. [00:38:07] Speaker B: Anyways, I saw a post at R LFG about newbies searching for a DM. As I usually love teaching new people the game I love, I messaged the poster and expressed interest. They seem very happy to have found someone willing to DM for their group. I was invited into their discord server, and we had a great get to know each other. They seem very nice. At first, we talked about my experience as a DM and theirs as players. All of them only played one session before because apparently the DM had ghosted them afterwards. [00:38:39] Speaker A: Uh oh. [00:38:40] Speaker B: When I asked them what happened or if he was a bit weird while holding the session, cleric and fighter immediately started bad mouthing the other DM. They said that he was stingy and didn't let them have fun. Also, his overall Dming style was very bad. When I asked for further details, they said that he didn't let them pick the classes and races they wanted and also was a very boring at presenting the game. Okay, I guess. [00:39:11] Speaker A: Oh, no. This is like. It's like walking into the fucking rpg. Horror stories subreddit and, like, seeing, like, all of them are sitting there, like, ready, like, hey, you want to try and DM for us? With their keyboards in their hands. [00:39:24] Speaker B: It's a fucking trap, dude. [00:39:25] Speaker A: It's a trap, dude. You're getting trapped. You're getting parent trapped, dude. Run. [00:39:29] Speaker B: This was a red flag for me, but I was ready to give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean, bad DM's are a thing, and maybe he wasn't patient enough for a newbie group, which also is true. [00:39:39] Speaker A: That's it. [00:39:39] Speaker B: It takes a lot of patience to be running at a new table. I don't think I could do it. [00:39:45] Speaker A: I get it. [00:39:46] Speaker B: I don't think I'm experienced enough to do that unless the other people were very cool. After some more talk about different things, I started to tell them that I would like to run a heavily modified version of Princes of the apocalypse. It would be a bit railroady in the beginning, but would be open further down the line and become more of a sandbox style. They seemed fine with it. Then we started character creation. We had a rogue, a fighter, a cleric, a warlock, and a ranger. Very well rounded. Everybody seemed happy, and I was too, seeing how pumped they were for their first session. We said it a week later. They were very active in their server, and I saw they were all pretty hard into critical role, which is not a bad thing, but I knew that I had to manage expectations when the first session rolled around, I said, guys, I've seen over the week that you are all pretty heavily into critical role. I just want to say that I don't watch it. And cleric, you should. It's absolutely the best show fighter. Yes, you should. Me? Yeah, maybe someday. So anyway, I just want to say that you guys need to understand the critical role is a show and not like the real thing. I will try my best to make it as entertaining as possible, but I'm not Matt Mercer. I think we've all said that once in our life. [00:41:04] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I don't know if you're. Have you. Have you been in a situation where someone had that high of an expectation of you and they're like, you know, you're not Bren and Lee Mulligan. [00:41:14] Speaker B: So, yeah, I wouldn't say. Cause I've only ever dmed for our group, so we kind of have our own set of expectations. But I have seen people treat other DM's unfairly because they see these shows that are highly cultivated and they'll even re record certain scenes and rewrite them to be more entertaining and better. [00:41:36] Speaker A: They're doing entertainment. They're not doing D and D. It's a different experience. [00:41:40] Speaker B: It's a completely different experience. And while the dice can kind of help tell our story, they are ultimately trying to be entertainers and make money from the product that they're making. So they'll go and re record sections and write the storylines out for people. Yes. They have a looser guideline than most storytelling things. I'd say critical role is closer to actual play than something like dimension 20 or even dungeons and daddies is. So I can understand being like, hey, guys, if this is your only experience, sitting at an actual table is going to be a little bit different. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think it's great what these people have done to get more people into the scene. I can understand the pressure because mammars is a great DM on site. Some of his homebrew classes are kind of fucking broken, though. [00:42:32] Speaker A: I mean, you know, not everyone can be perfect. [00:42:34] Speaker B: Matt Mercer, Rogue, we don't expect you to be. I, for one, just want to have fun. Me? Sure. I just wanted to be fair, and I don't want you guys to have unrealistic expectations. The cleric mumbles something under her breath. I can't remember what. The cleric mumbles something under her breath, but I can't remember what. Rogue, what the fuck? Can you stop that? Insert players name here. You always do that. Cleric, how about you just shut up? A two minute screaming match started me. [00:43:03] Speaker A: Wait, what? Where? The person's like, oh, we don't have the expectation. I got confused there. Sorry. [00:43:08] Speaker B: So they were like, hey, yeah. Just have these expectations. I don't want to, like, you know, I don't want to set you guys up for failure. And then the cleric starts mumbling shit under their breath, and the rogue calls them out and tells them to knock it off, and then they start fighting and yelling at each other. It is written a little weird. [00:43:26] Speaker A: Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. [00:43:27] Speaker B: Op says, yo, guys, what the hell is going on? The cleric says, just start the damn game already. It's nothing. Me? No, I won't start the game when two of my players are screaming at each other over something that seems to have to do with the game. So what's happening? Cleric disconnects fighter, disconnects me. Um. What the fuck? [00:43:48] Speaker A: What the fuck? [00:43:51] Speaker B: The other three then explained to me that I was, in fact, not the second but fourth DM they had found for the group. [00:43:59] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:44:00] Speaker B: But every time they had a new one, cleric and fighter would criticize them for everything, always comparing them with Matt Mercer multiple times and demanding the DM give the experience, like, critical role. They had a talk this time around without me, but Cleric seems to not care and started her usual spiel again. I thanked them for the info and told them that I, unfortunately, am not ready to deal with this kind of drama. Even if cleric and fighter don't come back, the damage was done. I didn't feel comfortable with their group anymore, so I apologize and wish them luck on finding a suitable DM. [00:44:34] Speaker A: Look, I love the idea of these people. All these, like, professional D and D based shows, like, actual place shows, introducing people to the system and making it look as fun and as appealing as ever. But there are going to be moments where you are sitting there doing nothing. That is how it works. And, like, you're seeing people there that they've recorded this three or four times, and you got the best version of it. [00:44:58] Speaker B: And they're literally voice actors. [00:45:01] Speaker A: And they're literally voice actors, so, like, they're also friends that have known each other and know how to be professional. So they sit there and wait, and they acknowledge, okay, I need to wait. I need to wait my turn, and then we will have a scene. I'm not going to just interject and do that kind of stuff. These are people that have done it for years that know each other's strengths and weaknesses that will. Okay, this person's struggling here, and I can see that in their face, even though they're not saying they're struggling. So I'm gonna dive in and try to help them. Or let's like, yes. And it until we come up with something really good, that's. That's something you get from, like, a group that's been together for years. Not something you get from someone on the first session immediately and then be like, oh, fuck this fucking DM. Great. Not Matt Mercer. I get it, but you didn't have to say that, you fucking bitch. [00:45:44] Speaker B: I may not be Matt Mercer, but you're not a comedian or a voice actor. So let's just, let's just all calm down here. [00:45:52] Speaker A: Listen, you're not fucking McCree like dog. Sorry, Cassidy. Yep. Cassidy, that guy. You're not like, I don't know. You're not in that scene. You're not in that setting. You're not an improv actor. Like dimension 20, who is a improv comedy actor. That's how they do their thing. So of course they're going to be amazing at, like, role playing and making people laugh and making each other laugh in the process. Us, that's not every d and D session. It's unrealistic expectations. And you are not Matt Mercer. Fuck. [00:46:23] Speaker B: Good one. [00:46:23] Speaker A: On site motherfucker dog. It's on you. [00:46:26] Speaker B: It's your fault you have an ex. [00:46:29] Speaker A: Okay, sorry, I was about to get mad. [00:46:33] Speaker B: I also feel like people, it's both sides of the extremes, right? Because there's also people in some of these forum saying, like, hey, if you even have critical role mentioned in your profile, you're not allowed to join my table. [00:46:49] Speaker A: Ugh. [00:46:50] Speaker B: You know, so I think it's both sides. I understand the resentment on either just because everybody wants to have a good time, but nobody wants to be held to impossible standards as, like, a regular person. I think we all just need to calm down, have a little session zero, and maybe you'll be as funny as critical roles in 20 years. [00:47:11] Speaker A: See, I'm jokingly saying on site Matt Mercer, but also, like, at the same time, I don't know, I don't disrespect. Like, if you are coming from D and D because you watch these different shows and you've expressed interest in it because of that. That's perfect. Yeah, do your fucking thing. Go off queen. But also, it's a different type of experience. No matter who you're with, you're not that group. You don't all have the friendship that you have unless you do, in which case, sometimes it'll be amazing, but also sometimes personal relationships. We've read it in this podcast where, like, some people don't disconnect from the game and, like, real life. So they think that things that are happening to them in the game are, like, the people doing it to them personally. But I don't know. You need to come in with expectations as much as the people who come in with this needs to be critical role. Just flip that on its head. It's not going to be critical role. No campaign is going to be dimension 20. No campaign is going to be that right off the bat, especially if this is your fourth dm. You've done this to fuck off. [00:48:15] Speaker B: Yeah, that's actually crazy to be so critical of somebody. Let's not say don't strive to emulate the people who inspire you, though. Yeah, I want to be like Jeff all the time. He's my favorite. [00:48:27] Speaker A: I like Kayla when she makes these games. [00:48:31] Speaker B: You couldn't compliment my storylines that I craft for you. Nevermind. Roll intro. Roll outro. Roll the outro. Thank you so much for joining us, everybody, for another week of tales from the tabletop. If you're interested in getting in touch with us, please send us an [email protected]. again, that is talesfromthetabletoppodmail.com dot. You can find us on all social media platforms, aalesfromthetabletop, unless it's on formally Twitter, which is talesfromthetee. We post regularly scheduled behind the scenes content and we also would like to hear your stories. There is a q and a section in the bottom of the Spotify panel here that we'd really look forward to hearing you from. Tell us something nice. Tell Jeff he looks really cool. Tell me I'm the greatest DM to ever exist. We really want to hear from you guys and interact with you. Social media is mostly my thing, so if you want to talk to me directly, that's a really good place. And then Jeff checks the email. At the email, y'all, very concisely. [00:49:25] Speaker A: One breath. I was like, damn, that is the most professional sounding outro. You're like, get it done, get it done. [00:49:30] Speaker B: I was trying not to say, um, the whole time because I always ramble through the fucking outro. [00:49:35] Speaker A: Kayla, you fucking did it. It was great. It was good. [00:49:38] Speaker B: Could you speed it up like the infomercials? [00:49:40] Speaker A: I could tell you were so fuck out. Yes, I'll speed it up, but my God, I can tell you. But also, you're like, my throat hurts. Bronchitis sucks. [00:49:50] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:49:51] Speaker A: Yeah. But thank you guys for listening. We hope this wasn't an unintelligible mess of an audio thing. You know what? I'm here. I'll fix it. And if it still sounds like garbage, it's also my fault. [00:50:03] Speaker B: Nothing's ever your fault, Jeff. [00:50:05] Speaker A: Aw, thanks, Kayla. [00:50:06] Speaker B: Unless it is, then everything's your fault. [00:50:10] Speaker A: Everything's my fault. Well, thank you guys for listening. Bye, guys. [00:50:13] Speaker B: Bye. [00:50:13] Speaker A: Peace out. Bye. They call me DJ D. DJ Khaled, it's your turn. [00:50:26] Speaker B: I can't fucking stand.