Episode 7 - Three's A Crowd

[00:00:33] Speaker A: Hi. Hi. Welcome. Come on in. Take a seat. I missed you all. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Hello. Welcome back. [00:00:42] Speaker A: My name is Kayla Williams and I am your most festive DM. [00:00:47] Speaker B: And I am your. Please, God, for the love of God, I'm going to stay true to my New Year's resolutions. DM, Jeff Lunter. How's everyone doing? [00:00:55] Speaker A: Wow. Finally shaking it up. [00:00:58] Speaker B: Yeah, it's crazy. I'm also your forever DM. So I guess into 2024, that's my resolution, is to continue being the forever DM. Wait, what? [00:01:06] Speaker A: Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks? [00:01:09] Speaker B: Me. I'm old. [00:01:10] Speaker A: Happy holidays, everyone. I'm sure you noticed that we haven't been around for a little bit. We were just taking a little break to celebrate with our families, make a bunch of New Year's resolutions that we're going to break, and eating a lot of food. [00:01:28] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I ate. I'm ten pounds heavier. Oh, my God. I went back to work and I'm like, oh, fuck, these clothes fit. I was wearing a lot of pajamas during this break, and now that I'm trying to wear normal clothes, I'm like, oh, these fit last week. Goddamn. [00:01:40] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Yeah, I wear scrubs for work, and so they're basically stretchy pants so I don't notice too much. But I tried to put on my overalls the other day and I was. [00:01:50] Speaker B: Like, no, don't remind me. [00:01:55] Speaker A: Who wears real pants in 2024? [00:01:58] Speaker B: Anyway, I get the fuck out of here. Just wear overalls and pajama pants forever. [00:02:02] Speaker A: By the time this comes out, it will be 2024. So happy New Year. [00:02:06] Speaker B: Happy new year. We're in the future. [00:02:09] Speaker A: Hello to the future. Hey, future self. Does our podcast blow up and make us tons of money? [00:02:15] Speaker B: I hope so. Well, yes. I'm just going to answer that for you. I'm the future self. In two days, it's going to go. [00:02:20] Speaker A: Crazy and just, whoa, it's going to blow up. That's my New Year's resolution is to have a big. [00:02:26] Speaker B: I'm going to control the elements of the universe and just make sure we randomly get a lot of attention. [00:02:31] Speaker A: Enough chitchat. Let's get into it. [00:02:34] Speaker B: Oh, God. No. Kayla, it's a new year. You could stop yourself from saying the five. [00:02:39] Speaker A: New Year's resolution is to stop saying, let's get into it. [00:02:42] Speaker B: Okay, well, I'm going to make sure that's not edited out. [00:02:45] Speaker A: Fuck. Okay, I'm going to go first. I have two kind of schmedium ones today. [00:02:55] Speaker B: Oh, schmedium yeah, schmedium. [00:02:57] Speaker A: They're pretty fun. Not super spicy, but I think it's still going to be enjoyable. [00:03:04] Speaker B: I'm glad you're not adding spice to yours because mine is really fucking spicy and wrong and I'm like, I was cringing reading, so. [00:03:12] Speaker A: Well, we had a wholesome break last week. Again, shout out to Kyle. David Perry, thank you again for coming on the podcast. [00:03:20] Speaker B: Thank you, Brennan Lee Mulligan. I appreciate you coming out. It was wonderful. [00:03:25] Speaker A: People who didn't listen to last episode are not going to get that. [00:03:28] Speaker B: They're going to be so confused. They're like, oh, shit, it's Brennan Lee Mulligan. They're going to be like, oh, I got to go listen. So if you haven't listened to last episode, we did, in fact, interview Brennan Lee Mulligan. Just kidding. We just called him Brennan Lee Mulligan because his picture on Discord had him and Brennan Lee mulligan. So I just assumed 50 50 shot. [00:03:44] Speaker A: It's Brennan, but also kind of pissed that I didn't get to meet Brennan before Kyle did. But whatever. [00:03:50] Speaker B: Anyway, it was someone as incredible as Brennan, if not more incredible. So you know what? Thank you, Kyle. [00:03:56] Speaker A: Shameless self promo. Am I the asshole for yelling at my d d group over myself being late by Flyn Hunter? [00:04:04] Speaker B: It is so beautiful to see the different reddits we pull from because you're just like, digging into the weeds of just like, am I the asshole? And I'm like, oh, I try to. [00:04:15] Speaker A: Pull from a bunch of different reddits too, because I don't want to just pull from d d horror stories because I feel like, let's be realistic. We're not a super unique podcast idea. We're reading. [00:04:27] Speaker B: We're fucking. You know why it's unique? It has Kayla Williams and Jeff Lunter on it. They don't have us. [00:04:32] Speaker A: Oh, so true. So true. Our personalities are just so magnetic that people have to come listen to us because we're just so much better and different than everybody else. [00:04:42] Speaker B: We're incredible. [00:04:43] Speaker A: I think our chemistry is getting better as well, or at least our confidence, I guess I should say, because we've always had a good back and forth. [00:04:49] Speaker B: 2024 year of confidence, baby. Let's go. Who was the user again? [00:04:53] Speaker A: Flynn Hunter. [00:04:54] Speaker B: Oh, Flynn. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Why do I feel like that's their government name? [00:04:58] Speaker B: Yeah, like a person. Oh, God, I hate that we use Reddit so much because I want to make fun of it. It's like, that seems like a person that would use Reddit but God damn it, we use it too. [00:05:09] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm on a throwaway account of a throwaway account, so speak for yourself. [00:05:14] Speaker B: Yeah. With, like, 15 letters and numbers. [00:05:16] Speaker A: It's beautiful. So I made this DND group a while back to play with my friends, and it's changed a lot over the past few months. Mainly, I went from DM to player because I wasn't having fun as a DM. Me too, bro. My players hate me. [00:05:31] Speaker B: Yeah, you've only done one shots. Stop. [00:05:34] Speaker A: It's a thankless job. So enough backstory on the situation. I live with my grandma and often help her with her little home improvement project. [00:05:44] Speaker B: I'm sorry. The fact that they put, like, two sentences and they're like, enough backstory. [00:05:49] Speaker A: That's enough of that. We should learn something with our long ass intros. We stopped the intro, and then we went into more intro. [00:05:56] Speaker B: It was after we read the title. [00:05:58] Speaker A: I'm so sorry. This is why we're unique, because we don't shut the fuck up. I see the ones on TikTok and stuff, and they just read the whole story without saying anything in between. They have, like, a few moments, but. [00:06:11] Speaker B: Like, we want to hear ourselves talk. That's. [00:06:14] Speaker A: We are the epitome of the people who like talking in the middle of a movie. I'm so sorry. [00:06:19] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I tried doing that with. Anyway, sorry. [00:06:24] Speaker A: Yeah, shut up. Shut up. This one involved putting up a railing, and I was unaware that it would take as long as it did and was late to D-D-I was also unable to text too much. Just little snippets. One of my party mates I will refer to as Amy started to spam at me on Discord. I quickly say I'm busy because that's all I have time to type. So the DM asks, how am I busy? And I don't see the message because I'm holding up the railing and not looking at my phone. So Amy starts to spam me again, but I'm holding up the railing steady with the same leg I have my phone in my pocket of. So the vibration of my phone causes my leg to twitch and completely unalign the railing. Okay. [00:07:07] Speaker B: Oh, my God. It's that bad. Like, what the fuck? Why do you have your phone set to the most extreme vibration possible? [00:07:13] Speaker A: Is it a Nokia eight, bro, it's. [00:07:15] Speaker B: Not going to my leg. Fucking. It's like being at the doctor when they hit your kneecap. Like, it's that bad, bro, what are you doing? You need an electric shock to remind you that you're getting a text message or a text message. [00:07:28] Speaker A: Yeah, they can't afford the electroshock therapy, so they have to get it at home. [00:07:33] Speaker B: This is fucking electroshock therapy. [00:07:35] Speaker A: We've got electroshock at home. My grandma proceeds to start yelling and getting pissed, which I understand. This took forever to set up, and I quickly text my party to fuck off. I'm busy, dipshits. After I do so, I shut off my phone so it doesn't happen again. And it takes another hour to get everything set up and drill all the screws in place. I turn my phone back on afterwards, and Amy and the DM are pissed at me, asking for me to apologize for interrupting them. I do apologize, but it feels wrong to me that they didn't apologize to me after all, that I wasn't in the mood to play d D, so I didn't show. And then Amy gets pissed because I didn't want to play. So after all of that, am I the asshole? [00:08:18] Speaker B: This is one of those things, like, you can't be mad at each at. If someone's having a bad night, someone's having a bad night. We've had to cancel sessions because people are like, yo, I'm not mentally with it. Players mental health is so important, and DM's mental health, fuck. [00:08:33] Speaker A: I understand even canceling last minute, but I think it's the fact that they didn't say anything. They didn't mention that they are probably going to be late, because at least with our party, if we know we're going to be late, even if it's last minute, we always let each other know that we can either play games and nobody's a dick about it. I know you got mad, but to just say, I'm busy, and then be like, shut up, dipshits. [00:08:56] Speaker B: Yeah. To immediately turn around and call them dipshit. Like, fuck you guys. What do you mean? They don't know? They don't know what you're doing? [00:09:03] Speaker A: Yeah, and if you're not answering them, what else are they supposed to do? I'm a person who's very defensive over my time being respected, too. So if I feel like someone's just kind of keeping me on the back burner, that specifically pisses me off. [00:09:19] Speaker B: There's some things that I feel like I should not comment on just because they're so consistent every week. I'm not talking from personal experience or anything, but we do start a half hour late every week. [00:09:35] Speaker A: It's almost like the half hour later is our actual start. Time? [00:09:39] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't even know. I should say we start at 730 just to get everyone there on time. It's funny, we did start an hour earlier and started on time. [00:09:47] Speaker A: I'd say it's all about expectations though. You know what I mean? I won't say the player's name, but nobody in our party is ever a dick about it. [00:09:56] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:09:57] Speaker A: She doesn't come in and be like, well, sorry for fucking making you guys wait, blah, blah, blah. I was busy. I had irl stuff to do. She's like a sorry it is what it is. Yeah, she's like a sorry it is what it is. And we're like, it's fine. We have expectations set and we joke. [00:10:14] Speaker B: About it, but if someone's consistently late than you, I guess I can't really say much because I was going to say maybe you should plan a different. No, I can't fucking. You just expect it. And if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, that's the time to be happy and excited and surprised. It's like, oh shit, I would be. [00:10:30] Speaker A: Pissed off if she like, well, not just her, but anybody just didn't say anything. And even then our party is so consistent with letting us know. We're like, ah, shit, they're asleep. And it's like, it sucks. But one of our players literally plays at two in the morning. [00:10:46] Speaker B: Yeah, dude literally gets on and plays until like 04:00 a.m. British time. It's ridiculous. So that's the only thing that makes me upset sometimes is when we're like, oh, this dude's sitting here waking up, like staying up late as, to be fair, he does it anyways. He'd be up that late anyways. [00:11:04] Speaker A: He never makes anybody feel bad about it either. [00:11:07] Speaker B: Well, yeah, you had to find the right group. But also it comes down to, this is a game and people have shit going on outside of this game, so you should not get upset with someone. But to turn around and go, dipshits, fuck off or whatever. You said they're the asshole for turning around and saying that. [00:11:28] Speaker A: Oh, it took longer than I thought it was going to and then they're gone for like literally 2 hours. Yeah, that seems crazy to me. I don't know. And to say, like, the phone was making my leg shake. [00:11:40] Speaker B: What the fuck are you using? Like the new earthquake in Nokia 2020? Like the fuck? [00:11:46] Speaker A: It wasn't my fault that I was angry at them. [00:11:49] Speaker B: Never miss a text again. [00:11:52] Speaker A: I wonder how old this kid is. [00:11:54] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:11:55] Speaker A: I feel like it sounds like a kid? I don't know. [00:11:57] Speaker B: It definitely sounds like a kid. [00:11:59] Speaker A: There's two edits. [00:12:00] Speaker B: Baby's first DND. Let's hear the edits. Oh, God. [00:12:03] Speaker A: The first edit says, apologies for this, as it's my first post and I forgot a few key details. One, the group is online. We gathered that when you said discord. Two, when I was the DM, I never expected people to show all the time. Three other people had been late, but this hadn't happened to them. If you have any other questions, let me know, and I will do all I can to answer. Second edit. [00:12:29] Speaker B: Okay, before we get into the second edit, just the fact that there are two is already bad. But even one is bad because they're realizing that no one's on their side and they're really trying to really dig. [00:12:40] Speaker A: In the hole deep. [00:12:41] Speaker B: No one's coming back to the post, bro. [00:12:44] Speaker A: Second edit. I understand that I'm the asshole for swearing at my party. However, a lot of people seem to be ignoring the fact that other members of my party have done the exact same thing and no one bats an eye. I honestly feel singled out that I have to give an explanation of my personal life. When another person says, I'm busy, they don't have to say anything. So let me pose the question. On top of all of you calling me the asshole, Are they not also assholes for having double standards and getting mad at me when I follow the norm of the group before I started swearing? [00:13:18] Speaker B: This is not something to discuss on Reddit. This is something to discuss with your players. This is, like, the amount of effort that you're putting in to this post versus actually, like, hey, guys, here's what I did. Sorry. It's so exhausting, the need to be right, especially when it comes to our, I'm not going to say audience, but just, like, our community, like, our TTRPG community is just so. Oh, God. We've talked about this before, but, like, the idea that it attracts the worst kind of personalities, like, the most. I need to be correct. I need to be the main character. I need to control the story. This is my story. No, this isn't like Boulder's Gate, Bro. This is real life. This is real life fantasy. Okay. [00:14:07] Speaker A: I hear the defensiveness in the post as well. And maybe this is just because I'm older and I've been to therapy. Just because you were an asshole in the moment doesn't mean that you're a bad person. I know it's kind of framed as, like, am I the asshole? Is, like, oh, I don't want to have any blame. It's like you can make bad choices and you can be a dick sometimes. Everybody is capable of being an asshole or doing an asshole thing, but you are the sum of everything you've ever done. You're not just this one moment in time. That's what makes me think that it's a kid, too. Granted, some Adults act like this, but. [00:14:44] Speaker B: Yeah, we'll find out later. This person's like 44 years old. [00:14:47] Speaker A: Just Chill. You can't be blameless like, you were a dick in the moment. Maybe the Other People were a dick, too. We're all dicks to each other sometimes, but you got to learn to let it go and explain yourself. If you want to build meaningful relationships, reach out and give that connection and talk about, like, hey, I'm sorry, my grandma, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and extend your hand. And if the other person wants to take it, they can. I'm assuming if they're young, they probably also have other young people in their party, so they don't quite have the same tools to communicate, if that makes sense. [00:15:20] Speaker B: Who knew you would come in here for horror stories and leave with therapy? [00:15:24] Speaker A: You're welcome. [00:15:25] Speaker B: Yeah, you're welcome. This is what we offer here. [00:15:28] Speaker A: Your copay is $50, by the way. [00:15:34] Speaker B: Well, I'm glad that we went through babysitting because now we're getting a little bit spicy. We're getting a little bit extreme, a little bit cringy. I hope you're ready. [00:15:44] Speaker A: I don't know if I am. [00:15:46] Speaker B: Get ready for the spice. This is titled DM forces romance between DMPC and my character. Yeah. Already right off the bat, I feel. [00:15:59] Speaker A: Like this one's going to give me goosebumps. [00:16:01] Speaker B: Oh, God. No pressure. I mean, you do try to date all my. [00:16:08] Speaker A: Listen, listen, viewers. It's consensual. [00:16:12] Speaker B: I do put them out into the world and they just all happen to be, I don't know, they're not all attractive. I don't go, this is the sexiest person on the planet. But I'm like, I describe their personalities first. That's how you get Kayla, is you describe someone's personality first. [00:16:26] Speaker A: And I'm like, they must be hot because I like their personality. Honestly, I just like people who are a little mean to me. [00:16:33] Speaker B: This is by user pitiful ad seven seven three. This is my first DND five e game with strangers. For years, I have been playing with close friends, but schedules and busy lives sadly stopped our weekly games. We hate to hear it. It happens it happens to all of us. Pour one out for the homies 2024. For all those people. The DM of that game mentions to me that they know another DM who is looking for players. I say I'm interested, he hooks us up and I join the game. DM of this game is female. I am a straight male and so is my cleric character. The only other player is a min maxer, straight female playing a female hexblade paladin with pole arm Sentinel. The genders will be important later. So the DM told us that since the party is so small, she will be adding an NPC who will help us out here and there. That NPC turned out to be a male DNPC rogue who is always two levels above us plus magic items. [00:17:30] Speaker A: Oh, of course he is. [00:17:32] Speaker B: Of course he's the main character. Oh God. They don't just help here and there. No, they straight up take the spotlight, often being the one dealing the final blow against bosses, but more on that later. I need to mention that nearly all the npcs are male, some of which have romantic relationships with each other. Literally. The only female npcs are the villains, usually the seductress or femme fatale types. So we got around two sessions in, and immediately I don't like the DMPC. The DM always inserts the DMPC in every scene with my character. I noticed that it's difficult for my cleric to bond with the Min Maxer because every time I try to rp with the min Maxer, the DMPC butts. In the first instance where it becomes a big problem is when we were fighting one of the main villainesses, she was hiding behind hostages, but we end up pummeling her and kicking her ass pretty good, mostly thanks to the Min Maxer's absurd crits. We told the DMPC to go help the hostages instead, while we handle the villainess, the DMPC argues against it. Sometimes it feels like the DM herself is arguing against us, telling us that it's a bad idea. After a bit of back and forth, we finally got the DMPC to leave combat and help the hostages. [00:18:44] Speaker A: You can always kind of tell too, when it's like. It kind of feels like I'm arguing with the player. When things start to get just a little bit too spicy, it's like I feel like this isn't role play anymore. [00:18:59] Speaker B: Have we done that? I don't think we've ever done that in our group. [00:19:02] Speaker A: I haven't felt that strain before. There have been moments where it's been kind of intense. I think a good way to avoid stuff like that is this is not my original idea. This is something I heard on TikTok from another DM where they got to DM for a table of people who are used to playing in person a lot. So they kind of had their own table etiquette, but they would put a finger up on their forehead, like pointing upwards if they were talking above the table. So their character would be like, no, I want to kill everyone in this room. And then they'd put the finger up and they'd be like, I think this is a bad idea and we shouldn't do this. If anybody stops me, I would be interested in role playing that. Or like, I'd be down if somebody tried to stop me. And it kind of avoids, like, well, yeah, of course this is a bad idea. And I kind of fall into the habit too, of, like, I want to quote unquote win DND. So I want all my plans to go perfectly, not to the point of flubbing roles or anything, but I have a hard time letting go of what I want to happen. So it can be a little bit frustrating when someone's character is fucking that up. We all recognize above the table that this is a bad idea, but we think it might create a more interesting situation. [00:20:17] Speaker B: I like that. I like purposely not choosing the best possible course of action. That's a really cool dynamic to have with a bunch of people to like, okay, look at me. We're doing it differently. I'm the captain now. [00:20:29] Speaker A: And like, classic DMPC moment where it's like, oh, Jeffrey can kick down the door, but you can't, loser. [00:20:38] Speaker B: I always like having my NPC characters in the background. Even when I had beethos, she was just kind of there and never really did too much. [00:20:45] Speaker A: You typically never talk first as a NPC unless you think we're kind of like, losing the plot. And you're like, hey, maybe this. Yeah. [00:20:54] Speaker B: Like a few sessions ago where you guys are still trying to understand the system in the world. You're like, I don't know what to do in this situation. And I'm like, well, here's the guy who knows everything about the situation. So let's go ahead and listen to. [00:21:05] Speaker A: This guy a little bit. Yes, please. [00:21:08] Speaker B: Finally, a combat where someone else deals the final blow. Oh, wait, never mind, I'm down. Yep. The moment the DMpc leaves the villainess one shots me. The DM excitedly says, bet someone's wishing DMPC was here. Right? Now that ticked me off a bit. But whatever. Min Maxer will fix this. The Min maxer goes and uses up, smites, deals absurd amount of damage, and the villainess somehow survives and paralyzes. The Min maxer no saves, just one hit, then bam. Paralyzed with both pcs out of commission, the DM describes how the villainess was about to finish me off as she's about to step on my head. Then a bit of silence as she played some heroic God, I can't even finish the sentence. [00:21:55] Speaker A: Fucking so bad when the cringe is too powerful. [00:21:59] Speaker B: God, I'm so cringe. Then a bit of silence as she played some heroic music and proceeds to describe how the DMPC just came right on time to rescue me and how he was so angry and furious that he let me go down in his watch. Blah blah blah. God, that is the most self inserted bullshit I've ever oh my God. Stop. [00:22:23] Speaker A: Let your players roll. Coward. [00:22:25] Speaker B: I had the heroic music ready. Fuck you. [00:22:28] Speaker A: Oh my God. [00:22:29] Speaker B: Yeah. DMPC one shots the villainess. When both me and the Min Max are recovered, the DMPC proceeds to scold us about how we are too weak and how we are reckless. The DM was also very obviously trying to hint that he is being harsh because he cares. Yeah, no, I don't care. I was planning to leave, but I didn't, and that's because of Min Maxer. After the DMPC leaves the scene for the first time, DM expected me to go after him and console them. My character and min Maxer finally got to role play together meaningfully. We bonded over our near death experience, and her character was a lot of fun and was very sweet. The DM inserted a scene where she describes how the quote unquote savior of the day ends up alone and ends the session. The pitying. This is just so many levels of cringe. [00:23:19] Speaker A: Nobody wanted you to be the hero. Jesus Christ, dude. [00:23:22] Speaker B: The savior is sitting off in a corner watching you guys talk. [00:23:27] Speaker A: This is just an IRL rendition of how Jeff and I talk shit regularly. It also sounds like really tough to play d d with only three. [00:23:36] Speaker B: Uh, I've done it. It's not hard, but I was also in person. [00:23:40] Speaker A: Yeah, that probably would help too. [00:23:43] Speaker B: It's not super tough. I think it was just because the people I were playing with weren't really rpg people, that it didn't feel bad, but they were doing bad. [00:23:53] Speaker A: I don't know. Yeah, it's always hard with people who aren't confident in their skills yet. It probably would be good if you had some really strong players playing with you. And you guys all had really good chemistry. [00:24:04] Speaker B: There are a lot of really cool two player rpg systems out there, like TTRPG stuff. I think I sent you a few. [00:24:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I sent you one too. I think it's called tether. I want to do that one. [00:24:15] Speaker B: I spoke to the DM about it and feel as though this rogue of hers is like a DMPC. She said, don't worry, the rogue will only be around for one arc. I worry, but whatever. [00:24:25] Speaker A: I worry too, bro. Me too. [00:24:27] Speaker B: We're all worried, bro. [00:24:28] Speaker A: I'm very worried. [00:24:30] Speaker B: The roleplay with Min Maxer was enough for me to give this another session. I at least have something to look forward to come next session that the NPC is now flirting with my character. No buildup to it, just randomly decides to be flirty. He was also kind of mean to Min Maxer. Every time she speaks, he acts like she's being dumb, and the DM just makes things happen narratively. To prove that she was indeed being dumb, we got into a fight with a villainess, a character from my backstory who wasn't supposed to be evil. It was my aunt, who was also my mentor. Naturally my character would want to speak with them and try to understand what's going on and won't throw hands right away. The DMPC, on the other hand, wants to kill her. He had this whole speech about love and choosing who you love, and I'm like, that has nothing to do with why I want to talk to my aunt. Half of it was the DM herself explaining and giving me meta knowledge to prove that my aunt is now pure evil. That puts Satan to shame. Aunt then nearly one shots me that comes with a stun that has a ridiculous save for our level, and DMPC was going to slay her. Min Maxer tries to intervene as she wants to non lethally take down my aunt for my sake, but the DM wasn't having any of it. Even when my aunt was downed, DMPC executes her. This, of course enraged my character. The DMPC says that I'm ungrateful and that he saved my life. The DM also says that out of character, the DMPC stormed off, once again expecting me to go after them, but I don't. Once again, Min Maxer got space to role play with me. She consoled my character and it led to a very bittersweet, wholesome moment. We both even saw potential development towards romance in the future, and she jokingly says, I ship it. At this moment, the DM just straight up tells me that my character feels an overwhelming guilt in his heart. I told her that's not how my character feels right now. [00:26:22] Speaker A: No, I don't. Nu like, what the fuck? [00:26:25] Speaker B: Your character is incredibly depressed. What? Stop. [00:26:30] Speaker A: So icky. It's like the internalized misogyny for me too. [00:26:36] Speaker B: Where all the girls like, oh, this girl's dumb. And all the women are villains. [00:26:41] Speaker A: Pick me. DM wants two boys to kiss. Hey, chat. Is it gay if my DM wants to kiss me? [00:26:50] Speaker B: So she gets the DMPC to come to me instead and that he looks so heartbroken and hurt by me? Fuck. Like I care. But apparently my character does care as the DM describes how my character feels tight in his chest. Seeing the DMPC like this, I cut her off and say, stop controlling my character. This is messed up. Poor choice of words on my part because now she's accusing me of being homophobic and told me I should be more open to guy on guy relationships, specifically guy on guy. She doesn't even say gay relationships. [00:27:19] Speaker A: Ew. [00:27:20] Speaker B: Yes. Oh my God. [00:27:23] Speaker A: What? In the fetishization. [00:27:27] Speaker B: At this point, I'm done. The line between me and my character starts to blur. And I did some immature things. I angrily ask the DMPC what they want. The DMPC tries to tell me to snap out of it. I'm like, what? The DMPC proceeds to accuse my character of being seduced by the villainess who was my aunt, both in and out of character. I just want to attack the DMPC for saying such shit. So I told the DM. I cast guiding bolts on the DMPC. The DM straight up tells me I need to roll a wisdom save to be able to attack someone I love. What? So bad. It just gets worse. When I first read through this, I'm like, it can't get worse. It just keeps getting worse. [00:28:10] Speaker A: Oh my God. The dominoes just keep falling. And then it's another bigger domino and then a bigger domino. [00:28:17] Speaker B: You can't attack someone you love. [00:28:19] Speaker A: Oh my God. I can understand that mechanic if you actually love them. Like, maybe imply that mechanic for the character's aunt, but this fucking guy who's been so annoying the whole time, I'm rubbing my eyes, I'm so frustrated by. [00:28:35] Speaker B: I'm doing the things that I do when I'm stressed. I'm rubbing my eyes and I'm very stressed. [00:28:40] Speaker A: For all of those at home that can't see this, I'm stressed out this story is stressing me out. [00:28:47] Speaker B: You know what? I'm not even going to argue. I'll roll that save and continue my attack. Being a cleric, I have a good wisdom, so I saved. I hit the DMPC, who is then described to unleash a frightening aura and approaches my character, but he gets stopped dead on his tracks by the Min Maxer's pole arm master Sentinel combo. It was glorious how Min Maxer interrupts the DM, describing the DMPC being all edgy. Let's fucking go. Now. It's literally players versus DM. [00:29:13] Speaker A: Oh, I love Min Maxers. Min maxers have my heart. [00:29:18] Speaker B: You need at least one, but a whole party of them? Fuck off. [00:29:21] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, at least one. Somebody's got to be the technical minded one. I just want to tell funny little stories and kiss elves. [00:29:31] Speaker B: The DM tries to argue that it's out of character for Min Maxer and that this would break her oath because my character is the one who attacked first. Min Maxer argues well enough that it is in their character and won't break their oath. So the attack happens, but it misses as the DM randomly gave the DNPC the ability to parry as a reaction, which they never had before. I point out that Min Maxer gets to attack with advantage due to my guiding bolts. So min Maxer rolls again and rolls higher than the DNPC's APC plus Parry. So yeah, he gets stopped. But no, the DM says that can't. My God. I'm getting to the point with your stories that the English just can't work. [00:30:12] Speaker A: Anymore when you're typing in a rage too. I feel like you mess up a lot of shit. [00:30:17] Speaker B: Yeah, and we get a lot of ragey posts, especially the people making edits to their am I the asshole? Post? [00:30:22] Speaker A: And another thing. And another thing. [00:30:25] Speaker B: No one's coming back to my post to agree with me. What's happening? [00:30:29] Speaker A: What's going on? Read this. This will change your mind. [00:30:33] Speaker B: So, yeah, he gets stopped. But no, the DM says they can't do that yet and must roll initiative first. We try to argue that it was reaction, but the DM won't budge. Fine. Being a rogue, DMPC had the highest decks, and so he rolls the highest. He proceeds to approach my character. The Min Maxer tries to use her reaction, but the DM says they can't because initiative started with a DMPC already in Min Maxer's reach and thus did not enter her reach. Bullshit. [00:30:59] Speaker A: That's so fucking stupid. That's just like I'm gonna use the. [00:31:03] Speaker B: Rules against the person who knows the rules. Fuck you. So, yeah, the DMPC gave their speech about love and betrayal and bounds me, which allows Min Maxer to use their sentinel reaction. As the DM made an attack. It misses. But she points out that guiding bolt is still active, which even I forgot. So she rolls again. Crit. DNPC barely survives with uncanny dodge. Min Maxer's turn. Now she proceeds to one turn. The DMPC, even with his two levels advantage and magic items, he goes down, and Min Maxer goes for the kill. DM can't even lie about his HP because we know how much HP he has. As DM always says. It's funny how the rogue has this much more hp than the paladin. Well, duh. They're two levels higher. So, yeah, DMPC is just dead dead. DM leaves mid call without saying a word. [00:31:52] Speaker A: Finally, some good fucking food. [00:31:55] Speaker B: Yes, last I heard, DM talk to my previous DM trying to paint me and Min Maxer as the misogynist assholes. Well, there's always two sides to this story, I suppose. [00:32:04] Speaker A: You're the one who hates women, bro. Oh, my God. [00:32:06] Speaker B: You're the one who made every woman in your fucking campaign evil. [00:32:10] Speaker A: And only the men are allowed to kiss. [00:32:14] Speaker B: Only men can kiss. Let me interrupt this. Fuck you. [00:32:17] Speaker A: No personal moment, but they're both boys. [00:32:24] Speaker B: I could imagine you playing with fucking minis, making them kiss. A very on brand Kayla thing. [00:32:31] Speaker A: I would take two minis of two plays that are like, no. And I go, that's fucking nuts. [00:32:41] Speaker B: So, yeah, it was a very fucking heavy. That was a heavy fucking story. I'm sweating. And it's not because I'm under a blanket. [00:32:49] Speaker A: I'm sweating because I'm under a blanket, but also because I'm stressed out over that. Thank God they had the min maxer, because I feel like a lot of situations like that, a lot of people wouldn't be so brave, because you hear stories like this a lot of the times, and nobody else in the party really sticks together or sticks up to the DM. Because even though it's kind of a weak power hierarchy, there is still a hierarchy involved, and a lot of people tend to feel uncomfortable challenging it, especially without other people on their side. I want to say this to everybody out there who is listening. You are allowed to leave situations that make you uncomfortable. You don't leave a discord call, leave a discord call, leave the campaign. You are not a bad person. Even if people are mad at you. You are allowed to leave the situation that's making you uncomfortable. Good on them for getting like. It's satisfying in the story that they get their revenge and all that jazz, but at any point, if they start to feel really upset and icky, they're allowed to leave. [00:33:55] Speaker B: Yeah. If you're uncomfortable in a situation, don't force yourself to go through it. [00:34:00] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. Because that's. [00:34:02] Speaker B: This is your go to. If you needed someone to tell you to leave the table because they're making you uncomfortable, this is it. Go run. [00:34:08] Speaker A: Your mental safety is more important than other people's. It's just a fucking game. I feel like we've said that before, but it's just a game, dude. No game is worth you thinking out of it, being mad about it outside of the play session. If you're finding yourself being unable to let shit go that happened in the game, either a conversation needs to be had or you just need to leave. Leaving is such a valid option, and we all love DND, and it's so hard to get a consistent group together to play that. I understand you may not want to leave. Honestly, your playtime is limited, and why spend it with something you don't enjoy? And people like that don't deserve to play with others anyway. [00:34:58] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. You shouldn't be a DM. I'm sorry. From one DM to another. Fucking stop. Just quit. That's it. [00:35:04] Speaker A: Quit while you're ahead, buddy. [00:35:06] Speaker B: Like, you had a lot of shitty campaigns under your belt. And you know what? That's all you need. That's it. [00:35:11] Speaker A: Sometimes one is enough. [00:35:13] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:35:14] Speaker A: Sounds like that person really just needs to grow up as well, though. She's sucking her like Fujoshi. [00:35:20] Speaker B: I need to control the narrative. I need to be in the story, and I need to be the main character of the story. We're not writing, like, an autobiography of your fucking NPC. [00:35:30] Speaker A: It reminds me of, like, we all had that one friend growing up where we're in the pool and we're playing mermaids, and you're like, my tail is blue, and I have the power to speak to animals. And then the other girl's like, well, my tail is every color that's ever existed. And then I have all of your powers, but I also have the power to control the water. And King Poseidon is my dad. So you can be, like, a servant girl who lives in my palace and we can swim together. [00:36:03] Speaker B: I was always the orange mermaid. [00:36:09] Speaker A: That one was a little intense. Hopefully this one is a little bit of a wind down. [00:36:14] Speaker B: I needed to air out my armpits. After that one, I'm like, my God. [00:36:18] Speaker A: This one is called am I the asshole for being quote unquote too strict as a DM by sea worthiness. Okay. 54, 96. This one's pretty new, too. It's posted three months ago. [00:36:30] Speaker B: I find the fresh ones, the ones where they're still upset about it, the ones where they're still actively in the comic. [00:36:36] Speaker A: You can taste that they're still pissed about it when you're reading it too. It's got an aura. So, first time DM here, and this has been plaguing me for some time. Basically, I started dming a d and D, two e for a small group of five. I will say I don't have any experience with two e, so if I sound kind of dumb when I'm reading this, I'm sorry. [00:37:00] Speaker B: Yeah, two e is all right. That's when I haven't played. I have the book for it, but. [00:37:06] Speaker A: We get it, grandpa. The war was cold, and it was hard getting to school. [00:37:10] Speaker B: It was very hard getting to school. [00:37:11] Speaker A: Most have never played, and a friend, let's call him Greg, has played a bit of five e. Everyone except Greg, wants a serious, more realistic experience that is based on survival. So we settled on a stone age setting together. Greg said he didn't care for the setting, so he skipped that meeting. [00:37:29] Speaker B: Great. [00:37:30] Speaker A: I love that. [00:37:31] Speaker B: I don't give a shit about your story, bro. I don't give a fuck about the work that you're doing. [00:37:36] Speaker A: We discussed things like how magic works with which proficiencies there are in this age and how some mechanics translate to this setting. The setting was much closer to our world than forgotten realms, and we agreed to make it separate. I went super far with the world building pantheon. Magic and religion systems made a campaign focused on shaman enemy tribe that has been created from remnants of other defeated tribes. And their focus is to transfer the dead souls into the living bodies of those tribes who massacred them. [00:38:10] Speaker B: This is so much information to just miss. Can you imagine? That is such a cool fucking reading this. [00:38:19] Speaker A: And I was like, can I take his fucking spot, dude? [00:38:22] Speaker B: I want to be in this show. [00:38:24] Speaker A: Fuck. Imagine if we all were able to put that much thought into our world building. [00:38:29] Speaker B: We do. [00:38:30] Speaker A: I just put everybody in the void, and I'm like, all right. [00:38:33] Speaker B: That's the wonders of only, like, having only dm one shots. It makes it. You don't have to really connect too much, but you also make them so compelling that they're the most memorable fucking sessions we have. [00:38:44] Speaker A: Thank you. Thank you. I'm just the best. [00:38:46] Speaker B: Here's your compliment for the episode. [00:38:48] Speaker A: Everybody write that down. It's never going to happen again. Was super proud of the setting and everyone loved it. Greg, as always, skipped the meeting. [00:38:58] Speaker B: It's not another one, bro. [00:39:00] Speaker A: That's two. [00:39:03] Speaker B: Get the fuck out of here, bro. [00:39:04] Speaker A: How could you, like, you want to play a story focused game? How could you not give a shit about this person who's like, hey, I poured my heart and soul into this. Can you just take a look and enjoy it? And he's, nah, can't be bothered. Fuck you, dude. Sorry. Yawn. Yawn. [00:39:23] Speaker B: Fuck you. Fuck you, Greg. [00:39:27] Speaker A: I'm taking it personally as a DM, and I chose to take that personally. Then we rejoined to create our own characters. This time, Greg joins and immediately says, I want to be a goblin machinist. We all kind of looked at each other and were somewhat confused because our campaign didn't have different races but tribes instead. And a machinist was very against the setting. I ended up making some background that permitted goblins to exist. Machinists were out of the question. He was very annoyed and said that he should be anything he liked. It's dnd, he said. Then he said he wanted to be an assassin, but ended up with a dexterity of five with his roles according to two e. This is an impossible choice. Oh, God, it's so brutal. [00:40:22] Speaker B: D and D. I should be whatever I want. Go somewhere else, bro. Get the fuck. I don't know why you would let him even join if he's not even there for the world building. Like, what the fuck you're playing. [00:40:35] Speaker A: Like, granted, I don't know anything about two e, but I can only assume if it's only the second edition after one that it's way more punishing than five e is first edition. [00:40:49] Speaker B: You have to roll a d 100 when you teleport and there is like a 20% chance you just die. Like, you either go too high or you go too into the ground. [00:40:59] Speaker A: That's crazy. [00:41:00] Speaker B: So I can only imagine what second edition. They probably fixed it and made it a D 20 roll. [00:41:05] Speaker A: Classic. Yeah. It's going to be punishing. Why would you agree? Well, maybe I'm giving him too much credit. It seems like this guy does not think about much. [00:41:17] Speaker B: It's D and D. I watched the movie. I know what's happening. [00:41:20] Speaker A: He became super angry, telling me that he should be able to become what he wants. I let him reroll again. Dexterity of nine the other players wanted a ruthless experience and were against any rerolling. But I tried to find a middle ground. Finally, he lost it due to being made a priest but not wanting to devote to any of the deities. We set up all the deities. I worked so hard for. [00:41:45] Speaker B: Yeah. What the. Oh, God. [00:41:48] Speaker A: Fuck it. Stupid. [00:41:49] Speaker B: Just fucking choose one, bro. I made these. I worked so hard. I wrote a fucking novel. [00:41:55] Speaker A: Oh, my God. He probably has, like, a bible of all of his shit too, you know? [00:41:59] Speaker B: It's so fucking horrible. [00:42:02] Speaker A: Wasted. Wasted on this guy. He said that he would sit on the sofa since he didn't want to play a game where his actions are restricted. This is d and d. Every time there was a difference between two e and five e, he would grumble. And we were all frankly tired of him. The rest of the group, you know. [00:42:23] Speaker B: You'Re going into a two e game. What the fuck do you mean? [00:42:28] Speaker A: I think if I had to guess, I think he just heard, yeah, we're going to play d d together and then d d. Wamp, wamp, wamp, wamp, wamp. [00:42:39] Speaker B: I listen to critical role, and I know exactly what you're not Matt Mercer. I'm not gonna do any research, and I won't show up for the world building. See you on Tuesday. [00:42:53] Speaker A: What breaks me is this poor dm put so much work. It was so excited. And do you know how we were talking about this, like, literally two episodes ago, where it's like, you can find people who want to play a hard ass game? [00:43:08] Speaker B: Like, know you just unfortunately have Greg in your pool of people to choose from. You know what? You don't need five people in a campaign. You can have four. [00:43:19] Speaker A: Yeah, just snip sip. The rest of the group loved the session, though, which was nice. Basically, I want to ask all the experienced dms if there was something that I could have done better or if I was in the wrong with my behavior. There may be something that I may do better. [00:43:33] Speaker B: Ugh. [00:43:34] Speaker A: Nothing. King, we love you. [00:43:36] Speaker B: Yeah. What the fuck? Why would you even bother with this guy after he skipped your initial setting meeting like, oh, my God. [00:43:44] Speaker A: Never change, you beautiful soul? I think he actually went above and beyond, because if you set expectations of like, hey, none of us want a reroll. This is what we want. We just wanted this experience. And part of the enjoyment is, like, the puzzle of figuring out who you are in the real world. You kind of have to play with the hand you're dealt too. So there's a bit of that in there as well. Like, if you roll a nine. In this world, you realistically wouldn't pick an assassin. [00:44:18] Speaker B: You just couldn't. That's why I like when you're building your characters, rolling the stats first. Personally, don't get me wrong, I like the idea of going like, oh, I like it can work both ways, but depending on the setting and stuff like that, I really am behind the idea of roll first, pick from there sometimes, not all the time. I'm 50 50 on it. So this really wasn't a good opinion to share. But nonetheless, I really like the idea of just like, yeah, well, if you're familiar with the system and you know enough about going into it, why not play around with some of that shit? Why not just be like, okay, well, what can I work with? [00:44:56] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. And it seems like everybody was on the same page. This poor DM. It seems like he really just wanted everybody to have a fun time. And I'm reading some of the comments that he's responded to as well and he's saying that everybody in the group, including fucking Greg. Fucking Greg. [00:45:16] Speaker B: Fucking Greg. [00:45:17] Speaker A: They wanted to do that. Unless I'm reading something wrong, it seemed like it was a collective decision, but. [00:45:25] Speaker B: Honestly, fuck, you were getting into. [00:45:27] Speaker A: I think he zoned out after he heard d d. It's so tough to learn this lesson right away. As well as a new DM, I think you truly are fueled by your excitement for the game to keep you going. And you're just like, yeah, DMs go. [00:45:43] Speaker B: Into it for different reasons. Some people really like role playing. Some people really like writing stories. Some people really like number crunchy mechanics and world building. And world building is so cool. [00:45:54] Speaker A: You're in such a fragile state in your first game because you don't have any reassurance. Nobody's really hyped you up and you don't have confidence yet because you haven't hosted a bunch of games. I feel like to have that be your first experience of somebody giving you a hard time after you poured so much work into it, you created a whole new pantheon and magic system. Well, maybe not a whole new magic system, but you worked with the one given to you in two e. That's insane to me to just have people spit on. I would have appreciated it. I would have been so happy for that. I would have been grateful for my food and I would have eaten it. [00:46:34] Speaker B: You know what? I'll join Greg's spot. I'll sit in his chair. [00:46:38] Speaker A: Yeah, we'll both join. We're a package deal, apparently. [00:46:41] Speaker B: Sorry you have to bring both of us. You now have six players. Thank you. [00:46:45] Speaker A: We actually have a shirt that we both wear that's really big, but it says our getting along shirt. [00:46:53] Speaker B: God, that sounds like fucking insanity. Get away from me, Kayla. [00:46:58] Speaker A: Our players are so nice when we ask for reassurance from them as well. And you guys are quick to give, like, no, that was really good. I really liked XYz, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Because I think with any art, because world building and storytelling is an art, you can be so fragile about putting that out there, being seen, it's scary, and you just want people to have a good time. And I feel like there's a lot of pressure on dms because in my mind, I am the crux of if everybody has fun, it's my responsibility, which isn't always true, but I understand the fragility of wanting to make sure everybody has fun, even if it goes against what you are excited about in the first place. [00:47:41] Speaker B: As confident as I appear when I'm dming and stuff like that, after almost every session, I'm just like, I turn to my partner, I'm like, how did that go? Did you like that? Did you have fun? I'm just like, I hope it was good. I hope it was captivating. Even though everyone was laughing and having a good time afterwards, they were all lying to me. [00:48:00] Speaker A: They're all fucking liars. [00:48:01] Speaker B: They're all lying to me. I think I'm being lied to. Can you just please validate my existence? [00:48:05] Speaker A: I'm their friend, so they have to be nice to me. [00:48:07] Speaker B: Exactly. It sucks to have Greg there to be like, I don't like good. [00:48:13] Speaker A: Yeah, it's just, I can't believe I skipped every prep session and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So silly. I understand wanting to stick around, but to just be making everybody uncomfortable, and it sounds like they were a group of friends before as well, so it's like, you don't want to have conflict with your buddies because we all have friends for different reasons. Some of them we can't play dnd with. [00:48:44] Speaker B: Well, that's the episode. First episode of 2024. [00:48:49] Speaker A: Yeah. Starting off the new year with cringe and goosebumps. [00:48:53] Speaker B: Can you feel it? We love it. [00:48:55] Speaker A: Do you feel the energy in the air? [00:48:56] Speaker B: I want you to know that I prepared the whole year for you guys. It's going to be wonderful. You guys are all going to have a good year and all your dice will roll crits. There we go. [00:49:07] Speaker A: Everybody bring your dice to me. I'm going to blow on them for you. [00:49:11] Speaker B: Oh, God. You don't want to do this because imagine one day we're sitting there signing people's dice, and they're going to get an email. It's too early to promise that I'm vaccinated. [00:49:26] Speaker A: I promise. Blowing on your dice won't make you. [00:49:28] Speaker B: Sick as long as you don't put the dice in your mouth. Who's putting a dice in their mouth? [00:49:34] Speaker A: Me. [00:49:37] Speaker B: Honestly, every time we have to start an episode, I'm like, kayla, spit it out. I hear you fucking crunching. [00:49:44] Speaker A: If not edible, why eat shaped? Answer me that, Jeffrey. [00:49:50] Speaker B: You fucking got me, I think. Yeah, you got me. [00:49:54] Speaker A: Yeah, got your ass. [00:49:55] Speaker B: Well, fuckers, we hope you enjoyed this episode. This was a beautiful time. We had a good time. Did you have a good time, Kayla? I had a good time. [00:50:02] Speaker A: It feels really good to be back. [00:50:04] Speaker B: So let's do some housekeeping stuff. We are adding some q as to our episodes now, which are so totally awesome, we didn't realize you can do time. Yeah, we're professionals. So if you think that sending an email is too much, talking about your rpg horror story, you can answer the Q A and we'll see it. And you can give us your horror story if you want us to talk about it. Or you can send it. The best way to get in touch with us is sending it to this wonderful email. What is it, Kayla? [00:50:36] Speaker A: [email protected]. Again, that is [email protected]. I'm sorry. It's a gmail. We don't have money yet. Sorry. [00:50:48] Speaker B: Why would it be bad? It's a gmail. [00:50:51] Speaker A: We don't have a business yet. Seems unprofessional. [00:50:54] Speaker B: We don't have a business website we can email to one day, one day, one day. What would it be? Tales from the tabletop pod. At tales from the tabletop pod. [00:51:04] Speaker A: Tales from the [email protected]. Find us on all of our social media. It's going to be tales from the tabletop pod on most platforms on Twitter, specifically tales from the TT because the other one was too long. I've been posting pretty consistently. We post behind the scenes content there. I also post just generic memes about us as well. I run it. So say hi to me, and then if you want to say hi to Jeff, I guess I'll tell him that. [00:51:36] Speaker B: You said, don't message us on TikTok because I will never look at it. Don't message from me. Don't be like, hey, Jeff, I'm like, I don't fucking know. I don't even have TikTok installed on my phone. [00:51:45] Speaker A: I've been sending Jeff, like, screenshots of all the analytics, and he keeps going. Wow, great. [00:51:52] Speaker B: I'm, like, squinting at it, like, what does this mean? Is that a number? [00:51:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Jeff is dinosaur bones. [00:51:58] Speaker B: No, I just don't like TikTok. [00:52:00] Speaker A: We appreciate you all so much. Thank you for coming into the new year with us. And here's hoping to many more interviews in the future. Many more episodes. Yeah. A lot of fun things planned that you don't know yet. That I don't know yet. [00:52:17] Speaker B: Yeah, surprise to both of us. [00:52:19] Speaker A: Honestly, I keep surprising myself. Yeah. Stay cool, guys. [00:52:24] Speaker B: Thanks for hanging out. Happy holidays. Happy new year. Happy all that stuff. Be happy for at least one day. Do it for me. [00:52:31] Speaker A: And me. [00:52:32] Speaker B: Bye, guys. [00:52:37] Speaker A: Oh, my God. I shouldn't have drank Pepsi. Fuck me. It's been two weeks and I don't know how to act. [00:52:44] Speaker B: Are you going to burp? [00:52:46] Speaker A: It's stuck. Oh, I punched you. [00:52:50] Speaker B: How? Asshole. Thanks. [00:52:52] Speaker A: So Amy starts to spam me again. So Amy starts spamming me again. Fuck, Jeff. [00:53:02] Speaker B: So the DM told. [00:53:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Grow up. At least we have good recording etiquette to make it easier for you to cut. Exactly.